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Court Officer: I think there is a Donato's close by, buy cheap Mogadon. Mogadon street price, Sex Worker: I love Donatos!  Extra pepperoni and mushrooms please and you have a deal.

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And as far as those ancient rivalries go, ninjas win again. I really was rooting for the pirates, too, seeing as how we have one of the Great Lakes which would make pirating much more easy. I guess the lack of birds and peg legs might be a deterrent but I thought the excess of anime freaks would scare away most ninjas. Maybe that is why they are paid so much, too many anime nerds makes the actual amount of ninjas in this area rare meaning they get paid more. Ahh, now it all makes sense.

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And apparently it even pays to die in Ohio.

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Jesus Christ it’s Jesus!

Finally the question, "Have you found Jesus?", can now be answered yes. The tomb of Jesus as apparently been discovered in Israel of all places, well duh why didn't they look there in the first place. I don't know why he was in this crappy box either, I mean he's supposed to be the messiah for christ sakes, get him a nice coffin. Also it was found by Terminator 2 and Titanic director James Cameron. Apparently he has so much money now they only thing left for him to do was find Jesus, literally. All right maybe he didn't personally find him but he produced the documentary about it that should count for something. Also it looks like they found the body in the 80's but I guess they were too busy watching ALF to tell anybody. Of course this creates a lot of problems for Christians because according to the bible Jesus rose up into heaven while he was still alive, not sure if he floated up slowly like a balloon or just shot up their like a rocket, but then there shouldn't be a body. But I suppose you can still take the less literal interpretation of the bible and say that just his spirit rose to heaven not his body. Of course if you do that you'll be deemed a heretic and banished to hell for all eternity, but hey thats your prerogative. But I'm sure the whole thing will just blow over and nobody will care in a week. I mean look at how upset people got at the da Vinci Code, now nobody even remembers that dumb movie, just Tom Hanks awful hair. And if Jim Cameron really did find Jesus' tomb and was threatening the churches power wouldn't Pope Palpatine have sent his papal storm troopers to eliminate him already? In other news hundreds are flocking to Houston to see and image of the Virgin Mary on a Pizza Pan, so it looks like people will believe anything these days.