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What do you know, Smoking is good pt1

I just found this website that tells a bunch of facts about the world that people really don't want to hear about. I will just give you a short summary of some of the stuff you might care about. As you may or may not know, this kind of topic is dear to my heart. The first: World Wide Life Expectancy. I just want to point out, Canadians lives longer than we Americans. Okay, I guess that I can understand that, but what about Australia?! They have the highest concentration of deadly, toxic and venomous animals and invertebrates in the world. That didn't seem to put a damper on their life expenctancey average. WTF! All we have here are crazy people with their NRA patches, drugs, and the occasional Jackass reinactment, right? Most of the other countries I understand but I thought that America would be a little more green and a little less chartruse. Also, I don't know if it's just where I live, but old people just don't seem to die or something. They are everywhere. Oh, just one more thing before we move on, I would just like to point out, how do they have no information for Greenland? I am sure that someone there has the internet and could have been reached. Maji deshou?! Take your job a little more seriously. *Edit* Here's a graph that shows population density concentrations as well so the above graph can be put into perspective. new graph World Population world pop Okay, here is a no brainer. But, suprise! Asia is leading the way in overpopulation. So, don't let anyone make you feel bad for having kids. Infact, if we continue at the current rate, the population in the US will continually decline. As of 1999 (I couldn't find more up to date info and I didn't really look that hard, anyway) the US Population growth rate: 0.85%. Thank you advanced technolodgy and women's lib for allowing women to have jobs and prefer a career to having a large family. Either way, I am just putting this one in so that I can make my next point: Cigarettes world productionworld consumption Okay, these are a little harder to read. Basically the first says that the amount of cigarettes produced world wide has gone up a lot in 40 years (up about 3.8 trillion packs produced a year from 1960). Hm... well, that makes sense if you consider that according to the graph above world population has increased by about 2 billion in about the fourty years we are considering. Here is what gets me. China. Shame on you. Haven't you learned anything from the US? You should be ashamed of yourself. Give me those cigarettes right now, young world power. I guess that seeing that Asia is the largest population growth category I can understand that you have a lot more people to ID before you sell your product but... I guess that is why China is slated to become the next world power. All the tax money they are getting from cigarettes to fund the government. I am proud that Americans are reducing their smoking, although it is probably directly due to the decrease in our world power ranking. I think it has to be due to all of the smokers pulling down our life expentancy a whole rating into chartruse. All our smokers are dead and dying. Take that, China. See what you have to look forward to? Going down a color grade on the world wide life expectancy charts leads you into a lower world power status. Can't wait to see you there. Oh, and one other thing. How do we not have anything on Russia until the 90's? If we don't have any info on them, maybe we should find a country that does keep records and put them up instead. Like, England or Japan for example? Hey, just an idea. Then there is the sin tax to consider. Wait for it. I know you can't, but you are going to have to wait.

Spain is a Chubby Chaser

In a recent article I read, Spain is banning overly skinny models from fashion shows because they set a negative example for girls self image. All I can say to that is why you hatin’ on hotties Spain? Fashion models give girls a bad self image because that’s what they’re there for. Who you rather our young girls would look to for physical role models, Rosie O’Donnell? I think not. Girls need to have a low self opinion in order to motivate them to keep looking hot. If girls though that they had self worth no matter what they looked like then we’d be stuck with a bunch of egotistical fat girls. And who wants to work that hard just to get laid by a fat chick? Spain, I can appreciate that you like a little more bounce to the ounce, but please don’t discriminate against these young super hot skinny girls, it’s not their fault that they’re born perfect. Firstly if they aren’t allowed to be models what else are they supposed to do? Work a construction job. Please the first time they swung a hammer their thin arms would snap in half. Or maybe they should go to school and be doctors? How are the other students supposed to focus and study with such hot girls in class, I for one would have to drop out of med school do to all the chronic masturbation over my fellow skeletal students. But the real victims here are gay men. Obviously all the men in the fashion industry are gay, so of course they are going to pick the women that look the most like teenage boys. Tits and asses are like Kryptonite to gay men’s dicks. Show them a picture of Scarlet Johansson and their balls retract into their abdomens. All those feminine curves ruin the lines of their sleek new fashion designs. After all it’s their show shouldn’t they be able to pick the emaciated girl of their dreams? Quiet frankly I won’t allow these poor girls to be discriminated by you Spain. I have started a protest campaign with Kate Moss. It’s called Lines for Leanness. We’ll be doing over 200 lines of Coke in an hour in the bathroom at Spy Bar to raise awareness to our cause. Keep you heads up ladies, unless you’re too weak from hunger, then just lie on the floor and keep your chin in a slightly elevated position.

Dunkin donuts will rot your teeth and America

Dunkin Donuts, for those of you who don't know, serves more cups of coffee a day than any other retailer in the US, including Starbucks. The chain, which is more prevalent in Boston than any other and maybe all other food franchises together, boasts the slogan "America runs on Dunkin." This clever ad campaign uses a lot of catchy "They Might be Giants" songs, which have nothing to do with coffee or America, but never the less draws attention to the TV or Radio and more importantly to Dunkin Donuts. When I first moved to Boston in January I didn't get caught up in the hype too much. I wasn't a coffee drinker, rarely ate breakfast, and couldn't even tell you where the closest Dunkin' was to my house. Soon though, I became sucked in. After a few months of heavy drinking in my new city, I decided I needed a new cheaper vice. First, I contemplated cocaine, but decided that wouldn't be much cheaper or very convenient. Second I tried self-asphyxiation; it provided a nice buzz, but several times I blacked out and/or broke blood vessels in my eyes. Then in a moment of weakness to mass marketing, I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and bought my first Iced Coffee or "The Ice" as I've come to call it. Oh the joy! The sweet cold elixir ran easier down my throat then up the oversized straw they provide. The sudden infusion of caffeine to an otherwise caffeine desolate body created a huge rush. I could work faster and longer with better concentration than before. The Ice even provided the shakes that I was beginning to miss from my days as a functioning alcoholic. I was hooked. I couldn't start my day without Dunkin or The Ice. First it started as only a small cup every morning, but as my body built a tolerance to caffeine I had to increase my dosage of The Ice. Soon it was a medium Ice, then a large Ice. I'd grab a cup before I got on the subway and then again when I got to work. The Indian guy (dots not feathers) at my local Dunkins knew I was hooked and began pushing the extra shot of espresso on me. "Large Ice, cream and melted sugar" rang in my head as I slept. I frequented the Dunkins close to my house and work so much that the employees who didn't even speak English had memorized my debit card number. I was hooked on Dunkins and I loved it. But, like all love affairs this one must come to an end. Yesterday I had a root canal; a very painful and expensive procedure. Basically, they fill your cheek with Novocain. Then they begin to drill. If you are not numb enough, they will give you a second shot of Novocaine, but this time in the nerve of the tooth itself. Once you are so thoroughly numbed that your eye on that side won't focus, they begin the removal of the nerve pulp in the center of your tooth. All-in-all it wasn't the worst procedure I've been through. The Endodontist who performed the procedure was very nice, although he was a little surprised that I had brought my own dental dam. In fact, the most painful part was the bill at the end. For 45 minutes of agony I was presented a bill for $1050.00. Holy Shit! For that much money I should be allowed to kick the Dr. in the nuts or at least be allowed to give him a blow job. Where does this fit in with Dunkin Donuts you're asking? Well obviously, it's not my fault I needed a root canal. So it must be the food item that I consume the most; Dunkin Donuts and "The Ice". That sweet sweet goodness must be responsible for my pain and agony. It couldn't have been the years of not brushing and flossing properly, or the fact that I let a bad filling go for over 6 months. Just the idea that this problem wasn't anyone's fault but mine is ridiculous. It's my tooth and my money so I should decide to where to place the blame, right? Not only that, but pointing the finger and placing blame is probably America's favorite past time. If our president and politicians and business leaders can obviously redirect blame and fault from their own laps onto others', why can't I? It's not like I'm telling the world that Dunkin Donuts is responsible for the deaths of thousands because they didn't prepare for a hurricane (not that I can prove anyway), or that Dunkin Donuts started a war because it thought that Iraq (A country that does not have any Dunkin Donuts) was harboring weapons of mass destruction. I'm just saying that my addiction to their Iced Coffee has caused my tooth problems. So does America really run on Dunkin like the ads say? If America runs on Dunkin by drinking its caffeine laced drinks and eating its fat filled breakfast sandwiches, then I don’t know. There are only 3 Dunkin Donuts in Cleveland that I can think of compared to the 4 I walk by just on my way to work in Boston. Or does the slogan "America runs on Dunkin" a metaphor for how Americans are so proficient at placing blame and redirecting fault? America runs on Dunkins because it sleeps better at night knowing that nothing is ever their fault? America runs on Dunkins because it knows most of the time it will not be held responsible for its actions? America runs on Dunkins because our government has established a history of using scapegoats for very serious crimes? This question is one of debate and importance that may never be answered. All I can say for sure is that I need to run out to grab some Tylenol for my tooth, and some of "The Ice" for my conscious. Š

What are you eating under there?

That one never gets old. Annie Mo's post about the appropriate body type for the people who are supposed to be helping you exercise has inspired me to share a few things. In the spirit of helping each other help ourselves to weight loss, there's a low-tech solution: a do-it-yourself diet tracker you can print out. In general, Lifehacker is a good place to go for web 2.0 weight loss and other cool toys. If you are a little too modern to want to use ink on dead trees, you can try Mealographer, a web site that lets you enter meals and find out the fat, calories, etc. that you have just thrown down your gullet. You can save meals and set goals to see if you are eating healthier over time. Mealographer even has a feature to suggest foods based on meals other users have entered. For some extra motivation: [youtube]aDDP__JDWPA[/youtube] Got a favorite tool you have been using? Post it in the comments below.

Burn Your Fat, or I’ll Burn You…Fatty

For the past few months, I have been thinking about working out. After many searches, I decided to join a club exclusively for women. I'm generally not usually into all the girly "Girl Power!" stuff that they do, but it fits my purpose and it's literally up the street, so I have no excuse not to go. This past Monday I went to the branch that is about a 10-minute drive from my house because my branch was closed. I was half-heartedly greeted by an fat employee. Now, I don't have any room to talk because, according to every BMI chart (and my mom), I'm classified as overweight, the category just above "normal" for women. However, if I'm classified as "overweight", then this employee is definitely classified as "morbidly obese." Being half-heartedly greeted by this employee was a little discouraging...and made me a little angry. It's not like all the employees at my home branch are in the greatest shape, but at least you can see that they are making an effort to work out and lose weight and inches. They are all also very motivational, which everyone can use once in a while. Maybe it's because it was Labor Day and she didn't feel like working. Whatever. Deal with it...fatty. On the days that you want to get a really intense workout, you put on a little pink dot which lets the employees know that you want your chops busted on that particular day on all the machines. I usually don't take the dot because I don't do well with people barking at me as I'm trying to concentrate on exercise. I just try harder on the circuit. Well, several people walked in putting the pink dot on their bodies. This same employee acknowledged that they had the dot on, and went back to sipping her diet pepsi behind her little desk. WTF! Wrong on many, many levels! So, there was no one on the circuit even making sure that any of the ladies were even doing the exercise correctly. Thank Buddha no one had a heart attack, because the employee wouldn't have even noticed and I would have had to revive them with my nursing super powers. I'm not asking for all employees of this franchise to be like the lame Xenadrine commercials that are out there. I'm not a fan of the other exercise franchises that cower you into buying a membership and then when you end up working out (on the days that your self-esteem is willing to take several blows), you are surrounded by sweaty people working there muscles hard, neckless men (and some women) making love to his/her own image in the mirror while working the dumbbells, and the employees busting your chops at every single machine that you attempt (when they're not doing that, they're making fun of you with other fellow employees). But I digress. Shouldn't there be some kind of weight restriction on employees of major exercise franchises?