blitz christmas chubby-chaser Economics elmo-tmx fashion-models Health How To Humor Post ps3 Spain target walmart

How to survive the Christmas Crisis!

As you know, we are only a few weeks away from that time of year where people lose whatever sanity they had and head out into the icy world in search for the elusive TMX Elmo or the PS3. These herds of mindless drones pushed on by consumer desire and 10 year olds are the most dangerous creatures known to mankind. The most dreaded/anticipated day of the year is coming up, The Day After Thanksgiving. The day that, for most retail workers, must not be named. So, from here on out, we will refer to it as Tdat. Or, as they call it in the world of retail, Blitz. Most of the mindless drones will spend the whole day of Thanksgiving plotting their course through the rapids of early morning shopping to get the best deals on toasters and TV sets, to find the toy of their spoiled rotten child's dream of the minute or whatever they happen to be standing in line at 4 in the morning to buy. Where will they be, you ask? Probably at one of the major retailers that you happen to have in your hometown area. I believe that your choices are displayed in the picture below. I don't know which one is Walmart or Target or whatever but I know that they are all there. Personally I like to think of the one in the green bikini as Walmart and the one with the Leopard print as So, in order to help you through the holiday season, I am going to put up a series of posts to guide you through this otherwise tramatic and dangerous season of getting cut off pulling into a parking space, having the last basket pulled from your hands by trailer trash, seeing the toy/item you really wanted stolen from your shopping cart while you wait to purchase it, punching said trailer trash in the face for doing all of these things to you and then spending the night in jail next to your mom, who inadvertantly did the same things as you so she can't bail you out of jail. So, stay tuned!

Spain is a Chubby Chaser

In a recent article I read, Spain is banning overly skinny models from fashion shows because they set a negative example for girls self image. All I can say to that is why you hatin’ on hotties Spain? Fashion models give girls a bad self image because that’s what they’re there for. Who you rather our young girls would look to for physical role models, Rosie O’Donnell? I think not. Girls need to have a low self opinion in order to motivate them to keep looking hot. If girls though that they had self worth no matter what they looked like then we’d be stuck with a bunch of egotistical fat girls. And who wants to work that hard just to get laid by a fat chick? Spain, I can appreciate that you like a little more bounce to the ounce, but please don’t discriminate against these young super hot skinny girls, it’s not their fault that they’re born perfect. Firstly if they aren’t allowed to be models what else are they supposed to do? Work a construction job. Please the first time they swung a hammer their thin arms would snap in half. Or maybe they should go to school and be doctors? How are the other students supposed to focus and study with such hot girls in class, I for one would have to drop out of med school do to all the chronic masturbation over my fellow skeletal students. But the real victims here are gay men. Obviously all the men in the fashion industry are gay, so of course they are going to pick the women that look the most like teenage boys. Tits and asses are like Kryptonite to gay men’s dicks. Show them a picture of Scarlet Johansson and their balls retract into their abdomens. All those feminine curves ruin the lines of their sleek new fashion designs. After all it’s their show shouldn’t they be able to pick the emaciated girl of their dreams? Quiet frankly I won’t allow these poor girls to be discriminated by you Spain. I have started a protest campaign with Kate Moss. It’s called Lines for Leanness. We’ll be doing over 200 lines of Coke in an hour in the bathroom at Spy Bar to raise awareness to our cause. Keep you heads up ladies, unless you’re too weak from hunger, then just lie on the floor and keep your chin in a slightly elevated position.