7th Seal of the Apocalypse, Cell Phones
D WallZ
April 18th, 2007
One of the latest theories for the mass disappearance of bees recently has to do with cell phones.
It is theorized that the radiation given off by cell phones interferes with bees' navigation system making them unable to return to their hive. There is some research to support this as German researchers have found that bees' behaviour changes near power lines. German research has also shown that fucking a chicken is possible, so I don't know how credible it is.
So it looks like teenage girls desire to talk non-stop on cell phones will be the dmeise of us all. It seems like there is only one solution, talk to people in person. I know what your saying, that's crazy I can't talk to some one face to face. I don't even remember how that works. It might be hard at first, but I think with practice people will remember how to do it. Don't stand too far away because then you won't be able to hear each other. Also don't stand too close because then you'll be kissing.
Lots of people are also making a big deal out of what Albert Einstein said about bees and people not being able to survive with out them. I say whatever. Another brilliant guiy Isaac Asimov said that in the future we'll all be eating food made from bacteria and fungi. So I'm not worried. Who likes bees anyways. They sting and the always ruin your picnic. I say good riddens. Hit the road bees we don't need you anymore. I for one will enjoy my bee free summer.
I really like mushrooms and potatoes and corn, so I might be all right. But I like berries and tofu as well, so I might acutally be screwed.
Anyway, I tried to find actual data on this whole “anti-bee cell phone conspiracy” and I couldn’t. Nothing solid, most of it was like, well I heard if from a friend who was told by their mom’s boyfriend who works for the news, i mean, he’s not an anchor or a journalist, he gets the lighting perfect, though and he over heard Steven Hawkins telling Dan Rathers for the big expose they are going to do on it” Or, “i mean, i saw something on the news about bees and then my cell phone died, so I put the two together”
Anyway, I need empirical data and I can’t find any. Nothing. So, get to work.
April 18th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Here are the two studies they mention in the article. Look them up:
German research has long shown that bees’ behaviour changes near power lines.
Now a limited study at Landau University has found that bees refuse to return to their hives when mobile phones are placed nearby. Dr Jochen Kuhn, who carried it out, said this could provide a “hint” to a possible cause.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Here’s an earlier paper on a similar topic: http://www.bienenarchiv.de/forschung/2004_lernprozesse/Electromagnetic%20Exposure_Learning%20Processes.doc.pdf.
I don’t know if it was published or peer reviewed. I don’t know enough to judge the merit of the paper.
The cell phone connection seems unlikely to me, though, just because most beekeepers are rural, and this is happening all at once – why didn’t populations decline slowly as more cell towers went up, instead of falling quickly just this year?
April 19th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Well then I am going to have to go with my second theory then that teaching evolution in shcools and gay marriage is directly responsible. And I don’t need proof because you can’t prove faith, HA HA!
April 19th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Okay, so I read that whole report that Jason posted on how it’s supposedly evidence for cell phones making bees dumb, you know? And you know what the conclusion of the very scientific paper says? It says that it had found that after putting a live cell phone underneath a beehive for 6 months allowing it to change the radiation (receive calls), the bees were found to be no dumber. That the cell phone had no affect on the bees at all.
Let me repeat this tidbit for those of you who are actually reading this or even care.
The German study on cell phones being bad for bees found that the cell phones had NO NEGATIVE AFFECTS ON THE BEES whatsoever. None. It did state that more research should be done, as any good scientific study should state. But, in the long run, CELL PHONES HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN TO CAUSE BEES TO BECOME STUPID AND THUS DIE, AND IS INCONCLUSIVE TO THE STUDY ON COLONY COLLAPSE DISORDER.
sorry for all the caps, trying to prove a point.
April 20th, 2007 at 5:57 pm