Large moving sale.
Everything must go!!!
All items as is. First come, first serve. Everything has been time tested against arch enemies (and some family members). Prices are negotiable, everything must go! Let's make a deal!
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Pulverizing Pillars, 995.00 each. (No pictures available, must see to believe) These are designed to crush an unsuspecting dungeon siegeist to a small bit of jelly and crushed bones. Some mess to clean afterwards but a great investment for any sewer tunnel that mysteriously leads into the lowest bowels of your castle or evil lair. Easy maintenance and payment plan available.
-Assorted Torture Devices, 500.00 for whole lot. Can be sold separately as well if desired. I am not sure why I picked these up, really. I got them cheap, thought to myself "hey, this could be good for my goody two shoes hero-enemies" but then I never really used them. I mean, they are kinda complicated and I am not really sure what to do with some of them. So, these are for the really avid collector/evil genius.
-Rotating Crusher, 2200.00, no delivery. This is perfect for a hidden floor trap or pit. It is exemplary for destroying even the most menacing hero do gooder. I just love the sound the bones of my enemies make when they fall into it's evil clutches. It's like popcorn, but better. Not that I have ever had the experience, before, but the guy who sold it to me told me that it's like popcorn. I just use it for trash compacting, really. I can get all of my non-trashables in to 10 bags a week with this baby. But, you can use it for both. I would.
Combination Spiky pit and dark menancing tunnel, 350.00 + delivery. Now, follow me on this one. This is a must have for all men of the future world ruling cloth. Okay, so you have a hero problem, right? Of course you do. So, you know heroes never come in the front door, right? No, it's always some hidden sewer tunnel or secret entrance your landlord forgot to tell you about. So, why not set them up the bomb with this combination tunnel and spiky pit. The darkness works to your advantage in so that the hero never sees the spiky pit coming. And, if you want, I will throw in a dozen rats for only $5.00. In just months you will have a teeming mass of rats to eat any hero remains you might have stinking up your dark tunnel. It's a low maintenance, self cleaning system.
Chaotic Neutral Henchmen, Living expenses and relocation fees only. You can't pass up this offer. John and his friend Mitch are willing to become your henchmen for only living expenses. They pretty much do what you ask as long as you keep a stock in Mountain Dew and Cheetos. Oh, Mitch also likes those Monster energy drinks, the ones in the big black cans. This is really a great deal for the evil men of our times. You know you don't have time to do everything yourself. So, tell your lackeys (in this case John and Mitch) to take over some of the more menial tasks. And, between you and me, heroes are much more likely to kill of the henchmen than the arch nemesis. Trust me on this, John still thinks that Doug moved to his aunt's house in Paraguay.
801 Furbys, 801.00 for the lot. Wait, don't disrespect the Furbys. I
was supposed to get 810 evil little swarming robots but the guy at Ebay might have told a little lie. Don't worry about him and his no returns policy, though. I taught these little suckers everything there is to know about espionage. Champions beware! Who can resist these cute little buggers? Nou nou banan. Oh yeah, now I know your secret identities. Bo Babing bong. Oh, I know the fatal design flaw of your secret base/headquarter/cave. Why do you need so many? Because believe it or not, Furbys are hive animals like ants. The more you have, the smarter they are. Did you know they talk to
eachother? Now, that's smart.
Leave your name and number below if you are interested in purchasing anything above or if you have any questions about the products. Everything must go!
I hate all of you morons out there on the internet. Week after week I give you brilliant and insightful articles, and what do you give me back? Shit that's what. You shit in my face. You son of a bitches haven't put my articles in the top 10 not once. How many fucking times do you have to read why You Tube works? Don't you get how it works by now you cretins? Idiots like youself put stupid videos of them hurting themselves or ones where they make a whiny video blog about how lame and worthless their lives are and then you idiots watch it and say gee that guys just like me I should make a video and put it on You Tube and I could be famous too. But you don't because your too fat and lazy and can't waste any time reaching that next level in World of Warcraft, you sicken me. Don't you realize how brilliant I am? Haven't you read my articles and wept at the supreme literary prowess as it flows off the screen like poetry? Aparently not because you all are idiots. And how come none of you bastards ever posts any comments about my posts, huh? What are they too intelligent for your meager brains? But oh that article about some shit dick in Canada well we'll just write like a million comments on that because we're stupid Canadian and all we can do is comment about our own shitty country. Canada sucks, accept it. No one cares about you or your stupid country. If every one dropped dead in Canada tomorrow would anyone care? No the lead story would still be Justin Timberlake unveils new line of low rise jeans called Sexy Cracks. Why do I even bother extolling my wisdom to you unintelligent masses when you time and time again choose to ignore it? You all suck and I hate you, but you know what you won't even read this so it doesn't matter. Here's a question for you to comment on, when I'm fucking your mother tonight should I punch her in the back of the head before or after I cum in her ass. Let me know your thoughts ;).