The Real D Wallz

I know a lot of you out there have been reading and enjoying my posts. Some of you do not enjoy them as much. A few think I am a racist, homophobe neoconservative. Well you wrong. I’ve decided to reveal the true D Wallz, which is a side most people don’t see often. I’ll point you to my website, Bet you’re pretty surprised at what you see. First off yes I am that handsome, I’m not vain about it, but I did get a lot of ass in my day. You’re probably asking yourself, Dave what made you start on your journey for enlightenment and made you want to teach others; well it’s easiest if I start at the beginning…

Back in the summer of ’97 I was a free wheelin’ son of a gun. I’d go to all night raves, take tons of ecstasy, kedamine, heroin, drain-o, pretty much whatever people would give me. I’d be up for days dancing to trance, jungle, techno, the noise my modem made while connecting to AOL, whatever. I’d also sleep with just about anything that came my way, women, men, animals, vegetables, minerals, gases, it didn’t matter I was so high I didn’t care what happened to me. But that all changed one fateful night out in the Nevada desert. I took a combination of pixie sticks, Windex, WD-40 and Dunkeroos. I started tripping like never before and wandered out alone into the desert.

I don’t know exactly how long I wandered, could have been days, but it felt like an eternity. Eventually I ran into my dear departed grandfather, Mortimer “Stovepipe� Waldman. He told me I needed to change my ways otherwise I would doom my immortal soul to be eternally trapped in the cycle of reincarnation, and my parents would cut off my trust fund. He said I needed to find my spirit animal and ask it for guidance. I thanked him for his advice and gave him some of my remaining Dunkeroos and began to wander again.

Eventually I came upon a Giraffe in the lone wilderness. I asked him, “Giraffe I come seeking enlightenment can you help me?� To which he replied, “No you want the Lemur, I’m just here on vacation with relatives.� I thanked him for his help and returned to my quest. Eventually I did find the Lemur and asked him how to find the path to enlightenment. He said, “The path you seek is not difficult to find, here read these books, listen to these tapes and watch these videos and all shall be known to you, also do you have anymore Dunkeroos?�

I did just that and spent the next several weeks engrossed in the materials he had given me. Truly they did change my life and set me on a path of enlightenment. And now the can all be yours! For a low, low price! Just visit my online store and get the wisdom you need now! Act now and I’ll throw in a special limited edition Lemur key chain. That’s right never has the path to enlightenment been so easy and affordable. Also check back for updates on my seminars where I tell you how to get rich by buying all your food over the internet. Peace be with you.

  1. I have known you for a long time and I never knew that about you. Do you have any dunkaroos left? i really like the graham with vanilla frosting, if you do.

    S. H. Skuld
    September 27th, 2006 at 10:23 pm

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