Better Know a Supervillain: Sandman

SandmanMany of you are familiar with the popular Spiderman movies. You know all about Spiderman and his cool spider related powers. But how much do you really know about the villains in those movies. If your like most people probably not a lot. So I’m going to take this opportunity to better familiarize you with them. In the upcoming Spiderman 3 one of the villains is the Sandman. You might be asking yourself, why is some skinny Tim Burton looking Goth guy fighting Spidey? I’m not talking about that Sandman stupid, I’m talking about the Marvel Comics Sandman. First off his powers are he is made of Sand. Huh, what’s that you say, that sounds lame what harm can sand do? Well if you’ve ever gone to the beach and got it stuck in your ass crack quite a lot, lemme tell you. Gonna need a lot of lotion for that chaffing. But the Sandman isn’t just made of sand he can also turn into things made of sand. Like sand castles and uh… other things you make out of sand. Hey can also merge with other sand to become an even bigger guy made out of sand. Not sure how that’s useful, I guess he could go down to Miami merge with all the sand and hold the beach hostage? Not too sure what the Sandman needs with money anyways, you would think being made of sand and all your expenses would be quite low. About the only thing he would eat would be Sandwiches (get it sandwiches cause he’s the Sandman and he’s made of sand, man I’m funny). Obviously being made out of sand has its disadvantages. First off you can never get the sand out of your shoes no matter how hard you try. Secondly no girl wants to have sex with someone whose penis is made out of sand. I’ve looked and can’t find any sand in the vagina fetish groups as of yet. And finally you will probably smell really bad. Being made out of sand you’re going to be pretty hot, especially on a sunny day. You will probably sweat a lot and have really bad B.O. But since you’re made of sand you can’t take a shower because you would just fall apart and get sucked down the drain. Then you would smell even worse because you would be sand mixed with poo and pee, eww. Quiet frankly I was made of sand I’d be pretty pissed off and become a supervillain too. I’m owed a couple of bucks for having such a crappy life. I can’t even go to the beach people just keep laying on me and walking all over me. Sand people are people too you know! So I say Spiderman take it easy on ole’ Sandy in the new movie. He’s had a hard enough time as it is.

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