I am not exactly sure what I have done to be so lucky, but I have been receiving emails from the Italian, British and Spanish lotteries saying that I have won a whole bunch of money. I can't believe I am so lucky. I mean, I didn't even enter a lottery. And I won. Take that all of you who are always paying money to play the lottery! I won for free, and I didn't even ask to be entered. That is how lucky I am. Let's take a look at how awesome and lucky I am and how unlucky and not so awesome you are. Here is my winning email from the Italian Lottery:
||Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:16:07 +0200 (MEST)
**************DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL**************
You have been selected as victorious via your email address.You have won $1.000.000.00 (One Million United States Dollars). Click here to view rules: http://claiminglikitaliat1.biz.ly/
or paste it in your browser. You must read the rules and understand them before responding. This must be claimed not later than the 15th of July, 2007. We are required to disburse the award to the correct recipient, but we must verify that you are the owner of the selected email address before we can send this money to you.
Contact us with reference number: 29NER08/2007.
In respect to your claim, provide the following when
1. Full Names:
5. Phone numbers:
6. Country of residence:
Contact person: Enrico Mancini
2000-2007 Copyright. Lotteriaitalia- Tutti i diritti riservati - E' vietata la copia.
**************DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL**************
First off I can tell already that this is a legitimate email because of the big and bold "DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL". I think that makes it official. I am pretty sure that the small amount of Italian at the bottom makes it even more legit. Second, I have a reference number. If I didn't actually win the lottery why would there be a reference number? I am going to have to say that they are really good at English for being Italian. I wonder if they are multilingual? This Enrico Mancini picked my email out of a sea of millions and trillions of email addresses because I am awesome and cool and fun to be around and he felt that I needed paid for how totally awesome I am. That must be how I won. And definitely not because this is a scam.
I am wondering why I won US dollars when the contest is in Italy though. I mean, that is like 733810.00 Euros, not an even number at all. Aren't most lotteries even numbers? They must have been planning on giving me this amount in the first place so they did the conversion for me. Aren't they considerate?
My second email is from the Spanish Lottery. See, taking Spanish in college pays off finally. I always knew it would, even if I only remember small things like "where are the waterfalls" and "can I have another cheeseburger please". I don't even like cheeseburgers. Anyway, I knew it would pay off and it does, $685,000.00 American Dollars. Well, they don't pay as much as the Italians but it's still a hefty sum which I will soon be pocketing. The Spanish Lottery email is much more official looking than the Italian Lottery, they must have more money to spend on employees seeing as how they are paying me a considerable amount less than the Italians.
||"Spanish Promotional Lottery"
|| Winning Notice!!
||Thu, 28 Jun 2007 13:36:36 GMT
Spanish National Lottery
Spanish Elgordo Online
Draw No.: 2245
Winning Number: 08 15 30 31 34 43 40
Batch Number: ATP/44863214257/3445328/563
Date:27th June, 2007.WINNING NOTIFICATION!!!
We happily announce to you the draws of the inaugural International Promotional Program (El Gordo Lottery of Spain), and held in Madrid, Spain on the 20th June 2007 in which you and five (5) others were selected as provisional winners under draw No. 2245.
Due to a mix up in some numbers and names, the results of the draw were withheld and released today. For the purpose of security you are therefore strongly advised to keep this award notification secret from public notice until your claim has been processed and your prize money paid. This is part of our security protocol to avoid duplicity of claims or misuse of this program by miscreants and hackers. Thus, your prize award winning is confidential as our winners are at liberty to remain completely anonymous until payment is effected to the beneficiary. Our staffs are sworn to secrecy, so you will be the only one to know what you have won.
All lucky winners are allotted CLAIMS AGENTS who assists them in handling the process leading to payment of their winnings to them. The CLAIMS AGENTS designated to process your payment claims are AVANGARDE CONSULTS LIMITED, LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM. You are requested to kindly establish contact with your appointed claims agent immediately with the following information-
'Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 08-04-33-38-BL-AU drew the lucky numbers: 08 15 30 31 34 43 40, which subsequently won you the lottery in Category 2B. All participants were selected randomly through a computer ballot draw system and from 150,000 individuals as part of our international promotions program conducted annually to encourage prospective overseas entries. You have therefore been granted provisional approval to claim a total sum of US$685,000.00 (Six Hundred and Eighty Five Thousand Dollars only) as your winning prize'.
This is from a total prize pool of US$3,998, 742.67 Dollars. All prize winnings are paid by cash. NO PRIZES WILL BE REISSUED AFTER THE 10TH OF JULY, 2007.
Alternatively, you may simply quote your Draw, Reference and Winning numbers in your correspondence with our designated agent
Therefore, proceed to contact the under-listed institution by phone or email for your application to be submitted and processed for payment thus:
CONTACT/ADDRESS YOUR MAIL TO:
MR. ALVARO TORRES,
AVANGARDE CONSULTS LIMITED,
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.
Tel: +44 701113 7430, +44 701113 7434
Fax: +44 7005968023
In line with this, your US$685,000.00 will be paid to you upon confirmation and clarification by our claims agent who will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your winnings as soon as you contact him. Also include your telephone number(s) when contacting the agent.
Congratulations once more from all members and staff of this program and thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.
Mary-Ann McGregor (Ms.)
N.B. Should there be any changes in address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Do not send your response to this e-mail account.
Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.
DISCLAIMER AND CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:
The information contained in this message and any accompanying pages are considered Strictly Confidential and therefore Legally Protected. This information is intended solely for the use of the addressee. Access to this message by anyone else is expressly unauthorized. If you are not the intended and named recipient of this transmission, any disclosure, copying, distribution or action taken or omitted or action to be taken in reliance on it is prohibited, unadvised and may be unlawful. Please immediately contact the sender if you have received this message in error.
See, they are so worried about our national security I am not supposed to share anything in this email to you, the readers who are not as lucky as I am. But, how can I gloat about my mad winnings if you can't read them. Also, the disclaimer says that I can do whatever I want with this email. At least that I what I am taking "the information is intended solely for the use of the addressee" to mean. And this is what I want to do with it. Rub it in your faces that I won a whole lot of Spanish money and you didn't. Nya nya na boo boo. Also this quote "This is part of our security protocol to avoid duplicity of claims or misuse of this program by miscreants and hackers." totally makes me feel that this is the real deal. I mean, they wouldn't say that they are protecting me from hackers if they were hackers, right?
Anyway, I don't think that Mary Ann McGregor sounds like a Spanish name. I wonder if she works for the American Embassy. Either way, why would Mary Ann lie to me? Her name sounds totally safe and legitimate.
Also, I didn't know that Spain and UK were such good friends that they run a lottery together. I mean, I won the Spanish lottery but I have to send all of my information to the UK? I admit, this does sound a little fishy but I got an email from the British lottery as well with the same address saying I won, too. It must just be the lottery headquarters. How else can you possibly explain it? I am just so very lucky that I won two lotteries from the same commission. And that they want me to keep this stuff hush hush is just so you unlucky saps don't get jealous.
And one last email, I know you are probably getting tired of being so unlucky but this one isn't a lottery. Somehow this guy from Australia just knew how awesome I am and he decided to give me a cut on an awesome business deal with him and his "new partner". Oh boy, how am I such an excellent representative of our species?
||CONTACT MY LAWYER FOR YOUR COMPENSATION
||Sat, 7 Jul 2007 12:28:28 +0100 (WEST)
My Dear Friend.
How are you today? Our God has done it. It has been long I heard from
you. Well, I just want to use this medium to thank you very much for
your earlier assistance to help me in receiving the funds, without any
I am obliged to inform you that I have succeeded in receiving the funds
with the help of a new partner from Australia. Everything was
perfectly done because we strike a deal with one of the accountant who works
with the Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) and he rendered a tremendous
My new partner initiated this idea and everything worked out
successfully. In appreciation of your earlier assistance to me in
receiving the Funds. I have decided to compensate you with the sum of
$800.000.00 (Eight Hundred Thousand US Dollars) I did this simply to show you
that it is good to do good things to the right people always.
Presently, I am in Australia for investment project with my own share
under the advice of my partner. Meanwhile, I
forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring
those funds despite that it failed us somehow, I will be sending you
e-mail from time to time to know if you have received your share or not.
Please contact my lawyer, his name is Barrister George Emmanuel,his
email contact is ( firstname.lastname@example.org ) ask him to send you the
total sum of $800,000.00 which I kept for your compensation. Fnally,
remember that I had forwarded instruction to the lawyer on your behalf to
send the money as soon as you requested for it, So feel free to get in
touch with my lawyer George Emmanuel for the claim, he will send the
amount to you without any delay once you demanded for it, bear in mind
that the $800,000.00 was in confirmable bank draft.please do let me know
immediately if you receive it so that we can share the joy together
after all the suffering at that time.
At the moment, I am very busy here in Australia because of the
investment projects, which the new partner and I are having at hand, So feel
free to get in touch with Barrister George Emmanuel to send the bank
draft to you without any delay.
With My Best Regards,
Mr. Kingsley Olmert.
CONTACT MY LAWYER ON THIS EMAIL ID: email@example.com or call
him directly on his phone number 234-806-092-8384
Now, I will admit that this one does sound a little fishy. I mean, I am not his friend, as he so blatantly quotes in the first line of the article. But, I am willing to let this slide if the sum is sizable enough (I am sure that $800,000 is more than sizable). I mean, he is very busy there in Australia so he doesn't have time to look up my name. He did get my email so he must know me somehow.
I did think that they spoke English there in Australia, even if it wasn't great English. I mean, the Italians have better English in their email to me than this guy. This guy's English is atrocious. I mean, first of all, what does "our god" have to do with anything here, much less the imaginary assistance with funds without "any positive outcome". Isn't this
the positive outcome with my imaginary "funds"? I mean this quote here, "everything was perfectly done because we strike a deal...and he rendered a tremendous help to us", I have no idea what he is saying. I guess I don't care as long as this Barrister guy gives me my money.
So, there you have it. I won and you didn't. Please don't get too upset, I am sure your time will come eventually. Or not, but don't come to me begging for handouts. I don't have anything for people who won't go out and work hard for their money. You know it doesn't grow on trees, right? So, do what any God fearing American would do and GET A JOB, SIR! Good day, sir. I SAID, GOOD DAY SIR!