Alli, The First FDA approved Weight Loss Drug?! (I just pooped myself)

alli.jpgIt has recently come to my attention that there is a new diet pill on the market that is FDA approved. This is big news for pharmaceuticals, who make the most money in OTC sales via diet/weight loss supplements. What will happen in the pharmaceutical war for market coverage with this new drug? What I am really excited about is not the fact that this expensive diet supplement will help obese people to manage their weight issues. No, it's not that they will be able to have a healthy lifestyle again where walking down the stairs isn't a four hour adventure. It's that these people are going to actually have to practice self control. Will it work? Alli, yes; self control, who can say? As side note, I heard a commercial on the radio the other day that started out making me think it was about Asthma but it was really for obesity. It said something along the lines of "Do you have a hard time walking to the mail box? Are you out of breath before you get there? Do you know how hard it can be to do any strenuous activities? Do you want your life back?" Now, don't you feel that this is a good lead into an asthma commercial? I did. But they they said, if you or a family member are obese and know this feeling, we invite you to try a clinical study with lasers and acupuncture. So, there you go. I really do hate it when obesity is called a disease. It is something you can control. Next thing you know people are going to be saying that laziness is a disease. And it must be cause that is why there are so many fat people. I agree that some people are probably fat because of genetics, but if you are like this, shouldn't it be more incentive to eat right and get exercise? I mean, if you know it runs in your family and you are afraid to become fat, then just do something about it. What really gets me about this commercial is that they make it sound like something else for dramatic affect, false advertising for obesity. Anyway, i digress. What the point of my story today was supposed to be was that Alli has the best dieting support plan ever. It's called "side effects". See, the whole point of Alli is that it's supposed to help you lose weight, not lose the weight for you. There are all sorts of publications on Alli now and most of them say it's a completely safe way to lose 10-20 pounds as long as you follow the directions. Please tell me which people actually follow directions on the bottle of any drug? Doctors tell you not to share prescriptions. People do. It says right on the bottle of aspirin to only take two every four to six hours, but I see people pop 10 of those little white pills at once. So, I have high hopes for Alli. Mind you, these high hopes are not because I think people will overdose on Alli. Not at all. Nope, I have hopes that people will not follow the diet and exercise program that the Alli diet plan "suggests" and that they will deal with the horrible side effects. I can't wait for those people who think "it won't happen to me" to just try to eat a yummy french fry or hamburger or piece of cake. Here is what the official website has to say about the side effects.
alliâ„¢ works by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects. You may get:
  • gas with oily spotting
  • loose stools
  • more frequent stools that may be hard to control
Oh boy, I can't wait for uncontrollable stool! Just think of how much fun oily spotting could be. Continue reading for the alli people's description of what's to come!

What to expect

The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
Oil from on top of the pizza I am not allowed to eat coming out of my butt and laying fresh in my underwear? Sweet.
You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work
CBS news tells us that it might possibly be the holy grail of dieting. I don't know if I would go that far, though. The holy grail of dieting would be a pill that made you look like a movie star without uncontrollable oily spotting and the occasional skid mark in dark pants. But, as long as people take this diet seriously and follow the diet plan as far as eating and exercise, they probably won't poop in their pants while riding the subway or waiting in line at the grocery. Maybe. In conclusion, Alli is a lot like Santa Claus. It knows if you've been cheating. It knows if you are bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. And the sake of all those around you who will definitely be able to smell if your bowels were uncontrollable again.

  1. Shouldn’t be eating a high fat diet anyway.???? The side effects are only for those that are not doing what they are supposed to be doing.

    June 18th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
  2. They just repackaged the same old ‘poop’ . This stuff used to be called Xenical & the side effect they don’t tell ya about is the fact that if you do happen to eat too much fat your stool feels like you’re passing shards of glass. Painful is an understatement. I wouldn’t take that stuff again for all the tea in China!

    June 19th, 2007 at 11:28 am
  3. Oh my god!!!!! Do you want to be extremely embarrased!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!! I have to put it up there as my most embarrasing moment now. Yes, I pooped myself, and the anal leakage was bright orange — How nice and colorful, and thank goodness I was wearing my favorite light colored jeans!! I was so thrilled!! I quit taking the pills immediately and will never take another one again. Beware of bright orange poop accidents!!!!!!!!!! Scary!!!!!

    Trina Smith
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:14 am
  4. I have been using Alli for about 6 weeks now. As long as you eat a low fat diet you will have nothing to worry about. You also need to eat plenty of fiber so you have regular bowel movements. By doing that, you can avoid the “build up” of the oil in your intestines.

    There have been a couple of times where I splurged and ate pizza or burgers and did have the negative side effects. It usually happens the next day though, not immediately. You have to plan those types of foods for when you know you’ll stay at home.

    August 19th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
  5. [...] and you will see almost immediate results. Side effects include new facial hair, depression, uncontrollable stool and oily spotting and of course death. Brought to you by the makers of chia [...]

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    September 5th, 2007 at 7:55 am
  6. I just started Alli about two days ago. I am not obese and I have been exercising three times a week for awhile now. All I want to do is lose this final 10 lbs of baby weight which has stuck around way too long. I have had the “treatment effects” constantly and I have always been a healthy eater. For example, I had vegetable and turkey sausage stew tonight…a whopping 7 grams of fat per serving. And guess what, that’s right…treatment effects. I really don’t believe that it you eat less than 15 grams per meal that everything will be ok. I am tired of changing my underwear! It better work, darn it!!!

    November 1st, 2007 at 8:15 pm
  7. Here’s a BIG reminder for you geniuses who think they are able to eat PURE GARBAGE like Mcdonalds and NOT have anal leakage. WAKE UP. Get on a low fat diet. READ LABELS, BE DEDICATED. And Shawn, shards of glass? Really? Were you EATING glass? I’ve been on alli for the past year and I have lost over 90 Lbs. With saying that NO SHARDS OF GLASS INCIDENT. Honest and true sucess story. It’s called determination, google it. How about you all stop crying about an oil spill in your draws and get off the junk food and hop on a TREDMILL. Go spill your woes elsewhere. The pill works for those who WANT it to. Good day.

    Valentina Bojovic
    July 7th, 2010 at 7:17 pm

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