Unsought Input

I really am not sure what I did to get so lucky to constantly be getting money offers constantly thrown at me. I really don’t know. As you may have read previously I won the Spanish International Lottery (and if you haven’t you should click here and read it because what else do you really have to do right now anyway?), the British Lottery and received a Nigerian Inheritance. Well now somehow I got tied up in a weird business relationship with a very ambiguous Mr. John I. Brown and some other shady characters. These emails do kill me they are so funny. Here, check it out for yourself:

Our Ref: CBN/GO/0X012/08.

DEAR CONTRACTOR/BENEFICARY

AFTER A SERIOUS THOUGHT, I DECIDED TO REACH YOU DIRECTLY AND PERSONALLY BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST YOU, BUT YOUR PARTNERS.

I AM THE DIRECTOR OF WIRE TRANSFER/TELEX DEPARTMENT AND SOME TIME IN THE PAST YOUR PARTNERS APPROACHED ME THROUGH A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WORKS WITH ONE OF THE MINISTRIES HERE AND REQUESTED THAT I ASSIST THEM CONCLUDE A MONEY TRANSFER DEAL AND WE ALL AGREED.

ACCORDING TO THEM, THEY WANTED TO USE THIS STRATEGY TOTRANSFER A HUGE AMOUNT OF US DOLLARS WHICH THEY ACCUMULATED THROUGH INFLATED CONTRACT AWARDS AND THE MONEY HAS BEEN FLOATING SINCE THEN AND THE ORIGINAL CONTRACTORS/BENEFICARY’S HAS BEEN FULLY PAID, SO THEY WANTED TO USE YOUR ACCOUNT TO TRANSFER THE SURPLUS OUT OF THE COUNTRY. WE AGREED THAT ONCE I DO THIS, THEY WOULD GIVE ME 20% OF THE FUND AND GIVE ME ANOTHER 15% WHEN I RELEASED THE FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT. WHEN THEY SAW THAT I HAVE DONE THAT AND YOUR NAME HAS BEEN APPROVED AMONG THE LIST OF THOSE TO BE PAID, INSTEAD OF GIVING ME THE AGREED 35% THEY STARTED AVOIDING ME AND RESORTED TO THREATS. (more…)

I am not exactly sure what I have done to be so lucky, but I have been receiving emails from the Italian, British and Spanish lotteries saying that I have won a whole bunch of money. I can’t believe I am so lucky. I mean, I didn’t even enter a lottery. And I won. Take that all of you who are always paying money to play the lottery! I won for free, and I didn’t even ask to be entered. That is how lucky I am. Let’s take a look at how awesome and lucky I am and how unlucky and not so awesome you are. Here is my winning email from the Italian Lottery:

Date:	Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:16:07 +0200 (MEST)
From:	“wonlotteria@terra.es”
Subject:	YOU WON.

**************DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL**************

Dear Winner,

You have been selected as victorious via your email address.You have won $1.000.000.00 (One Million United States Dollars). Click here to view rules: http://claiminglikitaliat1.biz.ly/ or paste it in your browser. You must read the rules and understand them before responding. This must be claimed not later than the 15th of July, 2007. We are required to disburse the award to the correct recipient, but we must verify that you are the owner of the selected email address before we can send this money to you.

Contact us with reference number: 29NER08/2007.
In respect to your claim, provide the following when
responding:

1. Full Names:
2. Address:
3. Age:
4. Sex:
5. Phone numbers:
6. Country of residence:

Contact person: Enrico Mancini
nricoma1@yahoo.itLotteria Italia
Venezia.

2000-2007 Copyright. Lotteriaitalia- Tutti i diritti riservati - E’ vietata la copia.

**************DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL**************

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This post is called news in brief because I give brief summaries of the days news and I’m also writing while my underwear.

New Hampshire Gets a Little More Gay: NH apporved a bill to allow gay civil unions. Obviously the whole gay storyline from the Sopranos inspired them to approve the unions. The government also voted to change the states bird to the Cock.

Russians Aren’t Going to Take it Anymore: So the US has started another arms race with Russia over plans to install missle defense stations in Europe. Hurray we get to fight a new Cold War! I’m sure our troops would like to take a break from Iraq and spend some time cooling off in Siberia. Way to go W you never fail to disappoint with your stupidity.

$P4MM3R Gets Canned: One of the world’s top spammers was arrested so people’s inboxes should be a little less full too day. Of course now I don’t know where I’ll get my my free V14GR4 and other P3N1$ enlarging pills.

Fly The Infectious Skies: Some dumbass flew all around the world with a rare and dangerous form of tuberculosis after being told not to fly several times. The other passengers on the plane are being alerted and possibly treated. I order to prevent this thing from happening again anyone sneezing or coughing before boarding the plane will be shot. Better safe than sorry.

Jon Lovitz is Still Alive!: Apparently and he signed a life time deal with the Laugh Factory to appear there every Wednesday. So now if your wondering what to do on a Wednesday night in L.A. you can always go see Jon Lovitz or go to a back alley and watch a coat hanger aportion, altough the abortion is slightly funnier.

 

That’s it for today L8TR.

Running into strange WordPress performance problems and database errors?  Akismet could be the culprit, but we’re in luck, it’s an easy fix.

Earlier I wrote a bit about our encounter with vicious, robotic Chinese comment spammers.  Since then we’ve had a few further issues, and I think I’ve found the culprit - Akismet, the plugin we’ve been using to fight the spam.

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