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Finally the question, "Have you found Jesus?", can now be answered yes. The tomb of Jesus as apparently been discovered in Israel of all places, well duh why didn't they look there in the first place. I don't know why he was in this crappy box either, I mean he's supposed to be the messiah for christ sakes, get him a nice coffin. Also it was found by Terminator 2 and Titanic director James Cameron. Apparently he has so much money now they only thing left for him to do was find Jesus, literally. All right maybe he didn't personally find him but he produced the documentary about it that should count for something. Also it looks like they found the body in the 80's but I guess they were too busy watching ALF to tell anybody. Of course this creates a lot of problems for Christians because according to the bible Jesus rose up into heaven while he was still alive, not sure if he floated up slowly like a balloon or just shot up their like a rocket, but then there shouldn't be a body. But I suppose you can still take the less literal interpretation of the bible and say that just his spirit rose to heaven not his body. Of course if you do that you'll be deemed a heretic and banished to hell for all eternity, but hey thats your prerogative. But I'm sure the whole thing will just blow over and nobody will care in a week. I mean look at how upset people got at the da Vinci Code, now nobody even remembers that dumb movie, just Tom Hanks awful hair. And if Jim Cameron really did find Jesus' tomb and was threatening the churches power wouldn't Pope Palpatine have sent his papal storm troopers to eliminate him already? In other news hundreds are flocking to Houston to see and image of the Virgin Mary on a Pizza Pan, so it looks like people will believe anything these days.

I know a little bit about Mormons.  Do you?  Did you know that if you play your cards right, Mormons will shovel your driveway for free?  In the middle of a snow storm?  Let me tell you a little story. So, today is my day off of work.  I decide since it is snowing a lot, I should probably shovel my driveway.   So, I don't know, it's probably around 11:30 and I get all ready and go out and to shovel.  I see two girls across the street and I figure they are probably are selling something.  And, I am cool with that since I used to have to do that crap for band when I was in high school.  So, anyway, I am prepared to buy a band card or whatever magazines they are selling.  I can see that I am in their targets as they make a beeline across the street to where I am dutifully shoveling my driveway and sidewalk that I share with my neighbor (I live in townhouses).  By the time I realize it, I am too late. These girls don't appear to be Mormons, which was my first mistake.  I mean, these girls are attractive, one would say cute.  I didn't know what Mormons looked like before today, but now I know for future reference.  They are going to send out the best looking of their flock to bombard potential brainwashees.  I don't' know what I thought Mormons were supposed to look like, but they aren't supposed to be that attractive.  It's really a good selling point when you think about it. Anyway, I digress. Here I was, prepared to buy a stupid magazine I didn't want when I heard these girls say, "Hey, can we shovel your driveway?"  I felt the fear and I knew there had to be a catch.  I look up, and these were not girl scouts trying to earn a new badge.  I immediately saw the name tags.  The names, I will change for protecting the innocent Mormons or maybe because I already forgot them, were bold on their black name tags surrounded by the bold lettering stating 'Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints'.  I was confronted by Sister Wayland and Sister Jehosaphat. Before I could run, Sister Jehosaphat takes the shovel from my hand, hands me her Book of Mormon and begins to shovel. I was not prepared for their onslaught.  They had used their magical Mormon powers to stun me into a stupor whilst I listened with most of my attention to Sister Wayland's story of how great the church was and how great God is and how great life is.  I am pretty sure she was telling me that everything is great, which is, of course, a lie, but they make it seem so easy and appealing.  I mean, I want everything to be great.  I really do, so when she tells me I can have it that way, I want to believe her. And she is cute.  I mean, it's really hard to say no to a cute girl.  You know what I mean?  So, here I am, listening to her and she just keeps talking and I just keep listening. So, here is how the conversation goes: Sister Wayland: Hi, can we shovel your driveway for you? Me: Um...what? (as sister Jehosefat takes the shovel from me) Ah, okay, sure. SW: We really like to do nice things for other people.  Can I talk to you for a minute? Me: (now, how can i turn her down when they are shoveling my driveway?) Ah, sure... SW: Have you heard of the book of Mormon? Me: Yeah. SW: Oh, really? (she is surprised here, like, Mormons are rare mythical creatures that I would never have seen before) Have you read it? Me: No. SW: Oh?  It's great.  I read from it everyday.  It's very inspirational.  Have you heard of the bible? Me: Yeah (seriously?) SW: So, you know about the book of Mormon?  How have you heard of it? Me: I have seen other members of your congregation when I lived at my old apartment in Akron. SW: Is that in Ohio? I am not from here.  In fact, I have only been here for five days.  (for those of you who don't know where Akron is, it IS infact in Ohio.  In reality, it's only a half hr drive from where I currently reside, as well) Me: Yeah. Only for five days? Where are you from? SW: Utah.  (this really explains a lot, being the Mormon capital of the world) I mean, this goes on for a while.  While this is all going on, it is soooo cold outside, her nose is running down her cute little face.  I am feeling kinda bad for her, so I interrupt her very exciting description of how great god is and everything and ask her if she would like some Kleenex.  Unfortunately , I am out of Kleenex since I myself was sick all week, and so all i have to offer her is toilet paper.  How silly.   I was just trying to be nice. We then go back to the description, and then she wants to know if she can come back.  I say "of course" because I just can't be mean to such nice and pretty girls.  I mean, they are soo nice and soo pretty.  What was I supposed to do?  And now she has my address and my name and my phone number.  So, today I made friends with a Morman. After all is said and done, I realize that the Sister Jehosefat has shoveled not mine but my neighbor's driveway.  Well, I think the moral of this story is that you should really specify which driveway belongs to you when you sell your worldly  soul to members of the Church of Latterday Saints.  They did leave me with some very motivational reading material and plan on calling me for another information session.  I wonder what household chores I can get them to do for me next time they come calling.

I saw this mentioned in ScienceBlogs and had to share. We've talked about the War on Christmas before, but really that war is part of a larger issue: how do you cope when you are part of an over-represented majority? When the majority of Americans share your faith, and your religion dominates the culture and all three branches of government, it's doesn't leave you much to complain about. Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't complain. Instead, the few things left should be complained about ad nauseum. So when the Faith & Values section of the Columbus Dispatch wrote a few stories about Islam and Buddhism, they got letters from unhappy readers:

A couple of critics wanted to know why we were wasting ink on these "false" beliefs when Christ is the only path to salvation. Another caller said he was tired of having "that Islam religion … shoved in my face."

Mark Fisher, editor of that section, decided to take a look at their coverage. He tallied up the subjects of all the front page articles and compared it to the demographics of their readership. It turns out that one group was being left out, but it wasn't the Christians:

Although Faith & Values isn’t ignoring Christians, my tally does suggest that we are giving nonreligious people less attention than they deserve. We’re already taking steps to correct that.

Looking at the actual percentage of coverage and comparing it to the demographics of their readership is a really interesting idea, but I don't think they will win any converts (so to speak) with an empirical approach. I don't think Dispatch readers were complaining that Christianity was being under-represented statistically. I think they were complaining that any view, other than their own, was given any exposure what-so-ever. There are many people curious enough in their lives and mature enough in their faith to be interested in what others believe, but I fear they are the minority. In my experience, many, many people have the sort of faith that requires putting their fingers in their ears and singing "I can't hear you." Unfortunately, these are often the most vociferous members of any faith. So I applaud Fisher's approach, and I agree with his conclusion - agnostics and atheists probably do get too little coverage in the news. But I don't think the Dispatch have much success. Even if the Dispatch went the other direction and had 99 percent Christian coverage, they would probably still be accused of fueling the "War on Christmas" or some other such nonsense because of that one percent. So good luck.

Lewis Black is an angry, shouting comedian. You might recognize him from his appearances on The Daily Show. He took some time to review the major issues of 2006 and grapple with Christmas. I'm not sure if this counts as yet another salvo in the ongoing War on Christmas (he hates it) or a brave flanking maneuver from an unlikely ally (he hates the rampant commercialization of it). Perhaps if he had read our guide to fighting the War on Christmas, he would be able to make less ambiguous pronouncements. [youtube]PL8SCSz42us[/youtube] Also, the paddle is getting shorter. [youtube]nB_vKh9oye4[/youtube]

[youtube]UuXpysYEhgA[/youtube] Don't mistake him for Steven Hawkins. This is Scientist and Atheist Richard Dawkins.