Unsought Input

Recently I received the worst job inquiry I have ever seen. I’ve had my resume floating around on job sites like Dice and Monster.com since the last time I was actively looking, more than three years ago, so I periodically get emails from keyword-searching recruiters. But nothing like this. This is a masterpiece:

HI, GREETINGS!!! WE ARE LOOKING FOR UI DEVELOPER SPECIALIST WITH BELOW SKILLS TITLE: UI DEVELOPER SPECIALIST Ø LOCATION: CULVER CITY, CA Ø TAX TERM: CON_CORP CON_IND CON_W2 Ø PAY RATE: ALL INCL Ø LENGTH: 12 MONTHS SKILLS: AJAX CSS PHOTOSHOP JSP HTML JOB DESCRIPTION: A MINIMUM OF 5 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE WORKING IN A TEAM ON A COMPLEX-PHASED NEW TECHNOLOGY MEDIUM SIZED WEB PROJECTS UNDERSTAND SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT METHODOLOGY (PREFERABLY RUP) ABILITY/DESIRE TO UNDERSTAND BUSINESS PROBLEM THAT THE APPLICATION IS TRYING TO FIX/SOLVE RESPONSIBLE FOR DEVELOPING THE USER INTERFACE FOR A COMPLEX WEB APPLICATION WITH A LOT OF DATA ENTRY SCREENS, WORKFLOWS, VIEWS AND REPORTS EXPERIENCE USING TOOLS SUCH AS PHOTOSHOP OR ILLUSTRATOR TO PRESENT DESIGN COMPS, UI OPTIONS PARTICIPATED ON PROJECT WITH EXTENSIVE UI REVIEW PROCESSES AND CHANGES CAN PRESENT AND IDENTIFY USABILITY CHALLENGES AND SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT. CAN DESIGN PAGES WITH USABILITY IN MIND EXPERIENCE USING TECHNOLOGIES SUCH AS HTML, CSS, JAVASCRIPT AND XML EXPERIENCE WITH BLEEDING EDGE TECHNOLOGIES SUCH AS AJAX AND FLEX (ACTION SCRIPT) EXPERIENCE WORKING ON SITES THAT HAVE A JAVA BACK-END; WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF JSP EXPERIENCE WORKING ON PORTAL BASED SITES (NICE TO HAVE) EXPERIENCE ON PROJECTS WHERE SLICK UI**S AND HIGH PERFORMANCE PAGES ARE A KEY CAN UNDERSTAND AND EXPLAIN CROSS BROWSER CHALLENGES, PERFORMANCE CHALLENGES BASED ON UI DECISIONS ETC. MUST BE ABLE TO PROVIDE EXAMPLES DELIVERABLES WILL INCLUDE: LOW-TECH MOCKUPS USING PHOTOSHOP, ILLUSTRATOR, EXCEL OR VISIO HTML PROTOTYPES WITH FUNCTIONING JAVASCRIPT AND DATA INTERACTIONS FLEX APPLICATION DEVELOPMENT TO SUPPORT THE BACK-END DEVELOPMENT TEAM JSP DEVELOPMENT TO SUPPORT THE BACK-END DEVELOPMENT TEAM .PLEASE RESPONDS WITH YOUR UPDATED RESUME AND THE FOLLOWING DETAILS RATE EXPECTATIONS | IMMIGRATION | AVAILABILITY | CURRENT LOCATION| CONTACT NUMBER ——————————————————————————– WARM REGARDS, JOHN ADAMS | SIERRA INFOSYS | [ed: removed] PHONE: [ed: removed] (OR) [ed: removed] | [ed: removed] ——————————————————————————–
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I hate all of you morons out there on the internet. Week after week I give you brilliant and insightful articles, and what do you give me back? Shit that’s what. You shit in my face. You son of a bitches haven’t put my articles in the top 10 not once. How many fucking times do you have to read why You Tube works? Don’t you get how it works by now you cretins? Idiots like youself put stupid videos of them hurting themselves or ones where they make a whiny video blog about how lame and worthless their lives are and then you idiots watch it and say gee that guys just like me I should make a video and put it on You Tube and I could be famous too. But you don’t because your too fat and lazy and can’t waste any time reaching that next level in World of Warcraft, you sicken me. Don’t you realize how brilliant I am? Haven’t you read my articles and wept at the supreme literary prowess as it flows off the screen like poetry? Aparently not because you all are idiots. And how come none of you bastards ever posts any comments about my posts, huh? What are they too intelligent for your meager brains? But oh that article about some shit dick in Canada well we’ll just write like a million comments on that because we’re stupid Canadian and all we can do is comment about our own shitty country. Canada sucks, accept it. No one cares about you or your stupid country. If every one dropped dead in Canada tomorrow would anyone care? No the lead story would still be Justin Timberlake unveils new line of low rise jeans called Sexy Cracks. Why do I even bother extolling my wisdom to you unintelligent masses when you time and time again choose to ignore it? You all suck and I hate you, but you know what you won’t even read this so it doesn’t matter. Here’s a question for you to comment on, when I’m fucking your mother tonight should I punch her in the back of the head before or after I cum in her ass. Let me know your thoughts ;).