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This Was Not a Terror Hoax, and They Were Not Fake Bombs

I am doing it as hard as I canTerror Scare! If you don't have a television or a radio, you might have missed it: Mysterious, technological devices hidden across a densely-populated American city. The city of Boston, thrown into chaos, bridge, highways and train stops shut down. After a city-wide search and investigation, officials eventually determined that the whole thing was a terror hoax. The two perpetrators were quickly arrested and held on $100,000 bond. Although thankfully no lives were lost, Boston Mayor Thomas Menino promised to make them pay dearly for plunging the city into a panic. The events happened, but the description above is not true. You wouldn't know it from most news coverage, but this was not a terror hoax, and these were not fake bombs planted through the city. Boston was not targeted, any more than New York, Philadelphia, and a number of other cities were. The "devices" had been around for weeks without causing any panic, threatening anyone's safety, or making it on the news. The "devices" were not even "devices," at least not in the ominous tone of a newscaster. They were advertisements. With colorful lights on them. Lights that formed the outline of an Atari-style video game character giving you the finger. They were ads for Cartoon Network's Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The Atari guy flipping the bird is one of the Mooninites, either Ignignokt or Err. Now I know that a lot of people are saying, "we have to take terrorism seriously." The two guys who put up the signs face charges of "placing a hoax device in a way that causes panic and disorderly conduct." Guess what? The overblown reaction and subsequent whining and finger-pointing is the opposite of taking terrorism seriously. Taking terrorism seriously would entail:
  1. Not panicking.
  2. Actually investigating things. Oh, and knowing things.
  3. Addressing real threats and security holes instead of imagined ones.
Question 1: How could Boston officials possibly have known what these cryptic figures were supposed to be? Well, according to Time Magazine, ATHF and the rest of the Adult Swim line up have gotten better ratings than Jay Leno and David Letterman for men under the age of 35. Granted the Tonight Show has been on a little longer, but what would the reaction and news coverage look like if this stunt was pulled by NBC? Does this mean the City of Boston (along with the TV stations and news networks covering the breaking story) have no male employees under the age of 35? Question 2: How could they have possibly tell the difference between a terrorist plot and a guerrilla marketing plot? They could try Google, or YouTube. Do terrorists film their preparations, put them to a techno beat, then post the video to the most popular video site in America? [youtube]cWMZ36K_gyg[/youtube] Now this whole thing might have been a big lame joke, except that some Bostonians and many Americans are so scared brainless about terrorism that they are probably going to try to put Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens in jail and sue the pants of Ted Turner. This part is very serious: do we really want to make anything that anyone thinks might be a bomb equal to an actual bomb in the eyes of the law? Do we want to make two guys who were mistaken for terrorists equivalent to actual terrorists? Did you know that people carry around complex technological devices that could possibly, maybe, in some scenarios, be packed with ounces of explosives? Gasp. Confiscate all the iPods! If you leave your backpack unattended at the airport, don't be surprised if they blow it. But if there's no threat, and no intent to create a hoax, you shouldn't expect to spend a night in jail either. Adult Swim has issued a half-hearted lawyerly apology (see below), but I don't think they should have apologized at all. [youtube]AVLJbRH8A7w[/youtube] Finally, I think it's important to educate the public about what the threat looks like: [youtube]T5rM39AhHDE[/youtube]

Nintendo Wii and your mother

Most people out there I will not be able to convince either way about the Wii.  Either you are already in love with is, as I am, or you hate it and Playstation/Xbox/MMORPGs are the way to go.  But you are here reading this post, so you must be interested a little. So, if you already love the Wii, what else can I say to you? We could converse about how great the system development is.  We could have lenghty chats about how great Wii Sports is, and that no, we don't understand who would actually buy for $50.00 bucks since it comes with the system.  The conversation has probably already been had at how incredible games like Zelda and Rayman are for the system and how sore our upper bodies are from the constant use of the Wii. Prose is already exhausted over how awesome and revolution- (see, if you knew that this was the system's orginal name you would think I was cool right now)ary the controllers are even though you have to buy the wii-mote and the nunchuks separately.  But, we have already had this conversation. Right now I want to talk about your mother.  Is your mom already playing your Wii?  Cause she will be.  The Wii is designed for people of all age groups, heck, the installation pamphlet has elderly people playing inside.  So, your mom is a lot younger than the elderly, right?  Has your mom already bought the Dalmations Nintendogs for her pink or teal DS Lite?  If so, your Wii is in danger of consistanly dead batteries and parental abuse.  I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but your mom may even be better than you at the Wii.  I know it's scary but it's entirely possible.  We have to face these problems together as a generation.  Games are no longer being marketed to just the youth and single men over the age of 40.  No, they are being marketed towards our mothers and grandmothers. And your mom is going to be addicted to making Miis.  She is gonna have a little parade of Mii replicas of herself and her friends in your Mii Plaza.  You will go to play bowling and in the next lane, you see your mother!! She will be on your baseball team.  You will see her everywhere.  It's going to be a Mii infestation. My solution to you?  Buy your mom her own controller.  Then, she can store all of her little Miis on her controller and not have them leave their dirty footprints in your Mii plaza. And, I mean, it is kinda creepy when a Mii that looks exactly like your mom (how did she get it so close?) is always hanging out in the bowling alley. Another thing before I wrap this up.  Any one of you who thinks that the Wii isn't worth it's weight in whatever you find to be not worth it's weight should try to play it first.  At least three of my friends who were like, 'man, the Wii is stupid, I wanna play Gears of War!' completely changed their tunes after playing just one round of tennis in Wii Sports.  They are all trying to find Wiis now, and to them I say, good luck!  They do have a better chance of getting one than if they were looking for a PS3 (way to drop the bomb Sony!) and they will have more friends in the long run since playing the Wii in a group is much more fun than playing alone. So, in conclusion, what did you learn here?