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Harry Knowles is a Fat Douche

I am writing about my extreme odious loathing of the fire maned humanoid-like blob of cellulite, Harry Knowles and his ilk. My main problem with him, besides his physical repugnance that would cause the most staunch conservative to support a broad eugenics program, is his crappy uber-nerd inspired "movie reviews". Movie reviews is in quotations because they are not so much reviews as his own retarded opinions on the latest hollywood comicbook/videogame/sci-fi/fantasy novel movie crapfest. His like or dislike of movies are based on his extreme obsessiveness for the movie being as close to the source material as possible (sorry that Wolverine didn't have enough chest hair for your liking shitdick). My other problem is that this so called "film lover" has no idea what even constitutes an actual good movie. His movie knowledge only goes back to 1977 not surprisingly the year the first Star Wars was released (yes I know it is episode IV nerdlings, but to the vast majority of the population that actually has had intercourse no one gives a fuck). Apparently the greatest directors of all time are George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg, fuck those guys like Coppola, Hitchcock, Scorcese, etc. they don't have enough laser swords or nazis on zeppelins to be real auteurs. Evidence of his horrible taste in cinema is shown by his glowing reviews of nearly every crappy hollywood f/x fest that comes his way. Take a look at these movies that he just couldn't stop gushing about: Snakes on a Plane, Lady in the Water, Monster House, Click, Superman Returns, Mission Impossible III, The New World. About the only movie he didn't like was X-Men 3 because apparently it didn't fulfill his masturbatory fantasy of what the Phoenix would look like in real life. Here is an actual quote on why he didn't like the movie, "I continue to be quite fond of Shawn Ashmore’s Bobby Drake – though I’d kill to see him actually ICEMAN out. Ya know? Icing up to deliver a headbutt is just lame to me". My god, MY GOD, people actually go to this site to see if a movie is good or not. Hmm, well here's a plausible senario, Hey honey lets take the kids out to a movie tonight. I wonder what we should see? I've heard that X-Men 3 is good, but I just don't know if its something we would all like. Let me just go onto the internet and look at aintitcool.com to see what that genius of cinematic critique, and chromosomal abomination, Harry Knowles has to say about it. Uh oh, apparently Iceman doesn't acutally ICEMAN out in the movie. He just ices up to deliver a headbutt. But hey Harry loved Click, he said about the one part "Specifically, I liked that gag of pausing, moving the one kid’s arm down, and the ball smacking that fucking kid right in the face. To me… hitting a little defenseless boy in the face with a baseball and humiliating him, without that kid knowing how or why he’d just been smacked in the face… Well, that’s comedy. (actual quote, I could not make up shit this fucking retarded if I tried, in fact I've just come up with a new term to describe Harry Knowles writing style, Fucktarded)", thats definitely the movie for us! The fact that this fucker has made a career out of writing these shitty movie reviews for nerds to read, rather than actually have a job useful to society, such as punching bag, is disconcerting to say the least. What kind of example does this send to the other super geeks, pretty soon they all will be operating their own shitty websites and then who will fix our computers, work our gas stations and just generally be around for us to ridicule and make us feel better about ourselves. I for one don't want to see that happen not just for me but also for our children's children. So please unless your totally fucktardedand actually think that THX-1138 is an interesting social commentary (you fuckers will love anything by George Lucas wont you, you probably even think Howard the Duck isn't that bad), please don't support Harry Knowles and his shittastic reviews.