Unsought Input

Had a weigh in for the competition recently and I’m down 30 lbs. total. 30 lbs in two months and I haven’t done anything unhealthy to lose it. I’m getting positive comments on my weight daily. Chuck and I finally got to run his neighborhood again this weekend and challenge the monster hill of doom. End result: 5 ½ miles and one conquered hill.

At the risk of going all Tony Robbins, I want to share how I’ve been able to achieve all of this in such a short time. I was completely and utterly disgusted with myself but now I’m confident that someday I’ll be able to achieve my goals. So read on, and see how you too can achieve what I have.

(more…)

When you surpass the weight of Homer Simpson, you began to develop an elephantine disgust with oneself. I had done this several months prior, yet kept engorging myself with foodstuffs through the holidays. It is a lucky bit then, I suppose, that ultimate collision of several motivating entities that drove the forging of both form and mind. With continuing fortitude, I shall hammer myself into an ultra-marathoner.

What a load of pretentious drek that was…

(more…)

Dunkin Donuts, for those of you who don’t know, serves more cups of coffee a day than any other retailer in the US, including Starbucks. The chain, which is more prevalent in Boston than any other and maybe all other food franchises together, boasts the slogan “America runs on Dunkin.” This clever ad campaign uses a lot of catchy “They Might be Giants” songs, which have nothing to do with coffee or America, but never the less draws attention to the TV or Radio and more importantly to Dunkin Donuts.

When I first moved to Boston in January I didn’t get caught up in the hype too much. I wasn’t a coffee drinker, rarely ate breakfast, and couldn’t even tell you where the closest Dunkin’ was to my house. Soon though, I became sucked in. After a few months of heavy drinking in my new city, I decided I needed a new cheaper vice. First, I contemplated cocaine, but decided that wouldn’t be much cheaper or very convenient. Second I tried self-asphyxiation; it provided a nice buzz, but several times I blacked out and/or broke blood vessels in my eyes. Then in a moment of weakness to mass marketing, I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and bought my first Iced Coffee or “The Ice” as I’ve come to call it.

(more…)

Well its official the lead villain for the next Batman movie will be the Joker, and will be played by none other than…. Heath Ledger?!? First off am I supposed to believe that this was the director’s first choice. There are literally dozens of other actors I can think of who would be far more likely to be cast, Hugo Weaving, Crispin Glover, Bruce Campbell, anyone else really. This leads me to my assumption that the casting was studio driven. Batman is a huge franchise and millions of dollars have already been invested in it. So obviously the studio wants a bad guy who will appeal to a large audience, and not necessarily be the best fit for the part. Obviously coming off of the successful movie Broke Back Mountain, Heath ledger would be high on their casting lists. He has high female appeal, which would in their minds help a movie with a primarily male audience. Obviously no one at the studio has ever read a comic book, they were probably too busy in school getting laid, so they don’t have an idea what the Joker is like and why Heath Ledger will suck as him.

(more…)

For the past few months, I have been thinking about working out. After many searches, I decided to join a club exclusively for women. I’m generally not usually into all the girly “Girl Power!” stuff that they do, but it fits my purpose and it’s literally up the street, so I have no excuse not to go.

This past Monday I went to the branch that is about a 10-minute drive from my house because my branch was closed. I was half-heartedly greeted by an fat employee. Now, I don’t have any room to talk because, according to every BMI chart (and my mom), I’m classified as overweight, the category just above “normal” for women. However, if I’m classified as “overweight”, then this employee is definitely classified as “morbidly obese.” Being half-heartedly greeted by this employee was a little discouraging…and made me a little angry. It’s not like all the employees at my home branch are in the greatest shape, but at least you can see that they are making an effort to work out and lose weight and inches. They are all also very motivational, which everyone can use once in a while. Maybe it’s because it was Labor Day and she didn’t feel like working. Whatever. Deal with it…fatty.

(more…)

News broke today out of a German conference on male illnesses that heated seats - a popular option in luxury cars for the last decade or so - may be to blame for reduced sperm counts (via) and may do even more damage than tight pants.

Ha ha. That’s a funny story, you may think. But you’re wrong! This has many implications, reaching down to the class warfare level, and could drastically change the socioeconomic landscape.

(more…)

I am writing about my extreme odious loathing of the fire maned humanoid-like blob of cellulite, Harry Knowles and his ilk. My main problem with him, besides his physical repugnance that would cause the most staunch conservative to support a broad eugenics program, is his crappy uber-nerd inspired “movie reviews”. Movie reviews is in quotations because they are not so much reviews as his own retarded opinions on the latest hollywood comicbook/videogame/sci-fi/fantasy novel movie crapfest. His like or dislike of movies are based on his extreme obsessiveness for the movie being as close to the source material as possible (sorry that Wolverine didn’t have enough chest hair for your liking shitdick). My other problem is that this so called “film lover” has no idea what even constitutes an actual good movie. His movie knowledge only goes back to 1977 not surprisingly the year the first Star Wars was released (yes I know it is episode IV nerdlings, but to the vast majority of the population that actually has had intercourse no one gives a fuck). Apparently the greatest directors of all time are George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg, fuck those guys like Coppola, Hitchcock, Scorcese, etc. they don’t have enough laser swords or nazis on zeppelins to be real auteurs.

(more…)