Unsought Input

I really am not sure what I did to get so lucky to constantly be getting money offers constantly thrown at me. I really don’t know. As you may have read previously I won the Spanish International Lottery (and if you haven’t you should click here and read it because what else do you really have to do right now anyway?), the British Lottery and received a Nigerian Inheritance. Well now somehow I got tied up in a weird business relationship with a very ambiguous Mr. John I. Brown and some other shady characters. These emails do kill me they are so funny. Here, check it out for yourself:

Our Ref: CBN/GO/0X012/08.

DEAR CONTRACTOR/BENEFICARY

AFTER A SERIOUS THOUGHT, I DECIDED TO REACH YOU DIRECTLY AND PERSONALLY BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST YOU, BUT YOUR PARTNERS.

I AM THE DIRECTOR OF WIRE TRANSFER/TELEX DEPARTMENT AND SOME TIME IN THE PAST YOUR PARTNERS APPROACHED ME THROUGH A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WORKS WITH ONE OF THE MINISTRIES HERE AND REQUESTED THAT I ASSIST THEM CONCLUDE A MONEY TRANSFER DEAL AND WE ALL AGREED.

ACCORDING TO THEM, THEY WANTED TO USE THIS STRATEGY TOTRANSFER A HUGE AMOUNT OF US DOLLARS WHICH THEY ACCUMULATED THROUGH INFLATED CONTRACT AWARDS AND THE MONEY HAS BEEN FLOATING SINCE THEN AND THE ORIGINAL CONTRACTORS/BENEFICARY’S HAS BEEN FULLY PAID, SO THEY WANTED TO USE YOUR ACCOUNT TO TRANSFER THE SURPLUS OUT OF THE COUNTRY. WE AGREED THAT ONCE I DO THIS, THEY WOULD GIVE ME 20% OF THE FUND AND GIVE ME ANOTHER 15% WHEN I RELEASED THE FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT. WHEN THEY SAW THAT I HAVE DONE THAT AND YOUR NAME HAS BEEN APPROVED AMONG THE LIST OF THOSE TO BE PAID, INSTEAD OF GIVING ME THE AGREED 35% THEY STARTED AVOIDING ME AND RESORTED TO THREATS. (more…)

Recently I received the worst job inquiry I have ever seen. I’ve had my resume floating around on job sites like Dice and Monster.com since the last time I was actively looking, more than three years ago, so I periodically get emails from keyword-searching recruiters. But nothing like this. This is a masterpiece:

HI, GREETINGS!!! WE ARE LOOKING FOR UI DEVELOPER SPECIALIST WITH BELOW SKILLS TITLE: UI DEVELOPER SPECIALIST Ø LOCATION: CULVER CITY, CA Ø TAX TERM: CON_CORP CON_IND CON_W2 Ø PAY RATE: ALL INCL Ø LENGTH: 12 MONTHS SKILLS: AJAX CSS PHOTOSHOP JSP HTML JOB DESCRIPTION: A MINIMUM OF 5 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE WORKING IN A TEAM ON A COMPLEX-PHASED NEW TECHNOLOGY MEDIUM SIZED WEB PROJECTS UNDERSTAND SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT METHODOLOGY (PREFERABLY RUP) ABILITY/DESIRE TO UNDERSTAND BUSINESS PROBLEM THAT THE APPLICATION IS TRYING TO FIX/SOLVE RESPONSIBLE FOR DEVELOPING THE USER INTERFACE FOR A COMPLEX WEB APPLICATION WITH A LOT OF DATA ENTRY SCREENS, WORKFLOWS, VIEWS AND REPORTS EXPERIENCE USING TOOLS SUCH AS PHOTOSHOP OR ILLUSTRATOR TO PRESENT DESIGN COMPS, UI OPTIONS PARTICIPATED ON PROJECT WITH EXTENSIVE UI REVIEW PROCESSES AND CHANGES CAN PRESENT AND IDENTIFY USABILITY CHALLENGES AND SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT. CAN DESIGN PAGES WITH USABILITY IN MIND EXPERIENCE USING TECHNOLOGIES SUCH AS HTML, CSS, JAVASCRIPT AND XML EXPERIENCE WITH BLEEDING EDGE TECHNOLOGIES SUCH AS AJAX AND FLEX (ACTION SCRIPT) EXPERIENCE WORKING ON SITES THAT HAVE A JAVA BACK-END; WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF JSP EXPERIENCE WORKING ON PORTAL BASED SITES (NICE TO HAVE) EXPERIENCE ON PROJECTS WHERE SLICK UI**S AND HIGH PERFORMANCE PAGES ARE A KEY CAN UNDERSTAND AND EXPLAIN CROSS BROWSER CHALLENGES, PERFORMANCE CHALLENGES BASED ON UI DECISIONS ETC. MUST BE ABLE TO PROVIDE EXAMPLES DELIVERABLES WILL INCLUDE: LOW-TECH MOCKUPS USING PHOTOSHOP, ILLUSTRATOR, EXCEL OR VISIO HTML PROTOTYPES WITH FUNCTIONING JAVASCRIPT AND DATA INTERACTIONS FLEX APPLICATION DEVELOPMENT TO SUPPORT THE BACK-END DEVELOPMENT TEAM JSP DEVELOPMENT TO SUPPORT THE BACK-END DEVELOPMENT TEAM .PLEASE RESPONDS WITH YOUR UPDATED RESUME AND THE FOLLOWING DETAILS RATE EXPECTATIONS | IMMIGRATION | AVAILABILITY | CURRENT LOCATION| CONTACT NUMBER ——————————————————————————– WARM REGARDS, JOHN ADAMS | SIERRA INFOSYS | [ed: removed] PHONE: [ed: removed] (OR) [ed: removed] | [ed: removed] ——————————————————————————–
—-

(more…)

I am not exactly sure what I have done to be so lucky, but I have been receiving emails from the Italian, British and Spanish lotteries saying that I have won a whole bunch of money. I can’t believe I am so lucky. I mean, I didn’t even enter a lottery. And I won. Take that all of you who are always paying money to play the lottery! I won for free, and I didn’t even ask to be entered. That is how lucky I am. Let’s take a look at how awesome and lucky I am and how unlucky and not so awesome you are. Here is my winning email from the Italian Lottery:

Date:	Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:16:07 +0200 (MEST)
From:	“wonlotteria@terra.es”
Subject:	YOU WON.

**************DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL**************

Dear Winner,

You have been selected as victorious via your email address.You have won $1.000.000.00 (One Million United States Dollars). Click here to view rules: http://claiminglikitaliat1.biz.ly/ or paste it in your browser. You must read the rules and understand them before responding. This must be claimed not later than the 15th of July, 2007. We are required to disburse the award to the correct recipient, but we must verify that you are the owner of the selected email address before we can send this money to you.

Contact us with reference number: 29NER08/2007.
In respect to your claim, provide the following when
responding:

1. Full Names:
2. Address:
3. Age:
4. Sex:
5. Phone numbers:
6. Country of residence:

Contact person: Enrico Mancini
nricoma1@yahoo.itLotteria Italia
Venezia.

2000-2007 Copyright. Lotteriaitalia- Tutti i diritti riservati - E’ vietata la copia.

**************DO NOT DELETE THIS MAIL**************

(more…)

In 1998, there was no bittorrent, no Kazaa, not even Napster. But there was still piracy. Not Johnny Depp piracy, which the MPAA likes, but movie, music and software piracy, which the MPAA hates.

Are you afraid of getting one of those scary letters from the RIAA? In fact, many of the old methods still work today, and so far they are under the lawyers’ radar.

(more…)