Unsought Input

Today I have a special treat for all of you interneters out there. I have been granted the special privilage to observe the Mindless Drones (Consumreous obsessiva) standing outside of a local retailer on Tdat. It’s 4:30 am and so far I am the only scientist on the scene. There is a line of maybe 75 Mindless Drones all waiting to get their hands on the hottest Christmas items this season at 6:00 am. I locate my specimen, a drone in her mid 40s standing with shopping cart ready at hand. She is dressed for the occastion, wearing a thick scarf and hat, gloves with the fingers cut out and a big ski jacket from 1965. The fire of determination burns in her dull eyes like coals in a fire without oxygen.

She looks up at me as I walk towards her and grips her cart fiercely. I see she is threantened and I carefully make the universal sign of good will and guarantee her that I won’t cut in line. She looks apprehensive but I think I have won her trust so I approach her with care. The whole idea is to be as careful as possible around these rare creatures since their complaicent attitude could turn violent in a moment’s notice due to their incredible territorial nature.
(more…)

As you know, we are only a few weeks away from that time of year where people lose whatever sanity they had and head out into the icy world in search for the elusive TMX Elmo or the PS3. These herds of mindless drones pushed on by consumer desire and 10 year olds are the most dangerous creatures known to mankind. The most dreaded/anticipated day of the year is coming up, The Day After Thanksgiving. The day that, for most retail workers, must not be named. So, from here on out, we will refer to it as Tdat. Or, as they call it in the world of retail, Blitz. (more…)