Unsought Input

A few years ago some crazy religious fanatics crashed planes into buildings. The authorities were quick to step in and step up security in airports. Unluckily for us the authorities at the time happened to lead by this guy:

So what we’ve gotten is a big mess of silly little rules and a mass of power-happy security screeners who can ruin your vacation with the flimsiest pretext. It’s not all bad, the shoe removal part makes us all a bit more humble and security theater makes most people feel safer. But now it’s time to celebrate the stupidest reasons to ban people from planes.

#1 - 3.2 Ounces of Toothpaste. This one has probably gotten a few of us in trouble, ever since government scientists discovered the formula: “> 3oz. toothpaste = bomb lol”. It even happened to everyone’s favorite geek Wil Wheaton in 2006.

…my deadly, deadly toothpaste was taken away from me, because it was “way bigger” than the three ounces our government protectors arbitrarily-designated as safe. (For those of you scoring at home, “way bigger” is .2 ounces) I didn’t mention that my relatively expensive (to its size) Crew hair goop was also taken away from me, because it was 3.4 ounces, even when I opened it up and showed them that it was less than 1/2 full, and therefore well under the deadly 3 ounce threshold.

“Well, we don’t know what’s really in there,” the TSA lady said.

“It’s about1 ounce of hair goop,” I said. “Would you like me to put it in my hair?”

They’re lucky he didn’t reroute their main power through the deflector dish and reverse the magnetic couplers. Damn it! I really thought I could make it through a post involving Wil Wheaton without making a Star Trek joke.

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If you read my first article about flying with Delta you will know what I am talking about. If not, you might want to skim and scan it now. So, here is the response that I received from complaining to Delta. I gave them pretty much the same story as the one you read here. I am going to cut their response down and just give you the good parts, not the whole boring thing.

We regret you were inconvenienced because of a missed flight
connection. Delaying a flight for a confirmed passenger is a difficult situation
for the airlines. In the past our policy was to wait for passengers
whenever possible even at the expense of on-time performance. Now, our customers
tell us that being on time is a high priority, and we have changed our
practices to better meet these expectations.

First of all, apparently they did not ask anyone who missed their connecting flight (which just happened to be the last flight of the day), then were forced to stay in the concourse overnight, then had to try and do the same dance in the morning to another airport and possibly miss yet another plane just like the first time. I wonder who they asked. Probably someone who’s flight was not late, and oh god, the thought of being considerate to another human being would just be too much for them to bear in their entirely selfish and single minded lives.

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So, as many Americans are apt to do, I decided to fly with Delta on my trip to Myrtle Beach this year. They were a dollar more expensive than US Airways but their flight arrived 45 min earlier which I saw as a definite benefit worth a dollar. I purchased my tickets through www.orbitz.com about two months prior and thought that everything was fine and dandy. The day of my flight arrived, I called the airline to confirm the time of my departure and was on my way. Everything seemed to be going fine, my brother and I got through security with no problems even though I had a toy magic wand in my bag which I was worried would be considered a weapon or something and would be confiscated. It was not even glanced at a second time, I believe that security was too busy looking for dangerous mini bottles of shampoo and water.

The wand, before you get too excited over how incredibly dorky I am over carrying a toy magic wand in my luggage to Myrtle Beach let me explain to you why I was bringing it to my destination. This is the second time I have been to Myrtle Beach and the first time my brother and I discovered something called Magiquest. Okay, now you can make fun of me until you go to one. I think this is the only one, though, but I heard that they are opening up franchising options, which if I could get 1.5 million dollars I would totally be doing right now. I am telling you, this place is packed, and it just stays that way. I know it sounds kinda dorky, but it is totally a lot of fun, it’s like an interactive Harry Potterish video game. Very fun. If I could open one, I think I could be very rich very soon. Anyway…. (more…)