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News In Brief

This post is called news in brief because I give brief summaries of the days news and I'm also writing while my underwear. New Hampshire Gets a Little More Gay: NH apporved a bill to allow gay civil unions. Obviously the whole gay storyline from the Sopranos inspired them to approve the unions. The government also voted to change the states bird to the Cock. Russians Aren't Going to Take it Anymore: So the US has started another arms race with Russia over plans to install missle defense stations in Europe. Hurray we get to fight a new Cold War! I'm sure our troops would like to take a break from Iraq and spend some time cooling off in Siberia. Way to go W you never fail to disappoint with your stupidity. $P4MM3R Gets Canned: One of the world's top spammers was arrested so people's inboxes should be a little less full too day. Of course now I don't know where I'll get my my free V14GR4 and other P3N1$ enlarging pills. Fly The Infectious Skies: Some dumbass flew all around the world with a rare and dangerous form of tuberculosis after being told not to fly several times. The other passengers on the plane are being alerted and possibly treated. I order to prevent this thing from happening again anyone sneezing or coughing before boarding the plane will be shot. Better safe than sorry. Jon Lovitz is Still Alive!: Apparently and he signed a life time deal with the Laugh Factory to appear there every Wednesday. So now if your wondering what to do on a Wednesday night in L.A. you can always go see Jon Lovitz or go to a back alley and watch a coat hanger aportion, altough the abortion is slightly funnier.   That's it for today L8TR.

Save American Jobs – Reproduce!

A new report on immigration from the Missouri House is making the staggering claim that abortion leads to a shortage in the American workforce and thus leads to illegal immigration to fill the positions that should have been held by these aborted people. First off - I am not making this up. This is not a joke post. Secondly, the report was created by a "Republican-led legislative panel" so considering the Republican stand on abortion, you can be sure that THEY are not making it up - they truly believe that abortion leads to illegal immigration. With the midterms over and the Republicans scrambling to regain popularity they are trying to wrap three huge domestic issues - immigration, abortion and unemployment - into one little study to show how they are all related, and that the Government truly does care about domestic issues (since they ain't winning any voters over with their messes outside the country). I wasn't aware there even WAS a shortage of American workers. If there is an unemployment rate at all (currently around 4.7%) then there is no shortage. Employers aren't begging people to come work illegally. They're perhaps begging people to come work under the table to avoid withholding taxes or to come work for dirt cheap but the problem there is not a shortage of American workers, it's a shortage of employers willing to pay a living wage and pay taxes on & benefits to their employees. According to the article, National Right to Life estimates 47 billion abortions have been performed since 1973. Committee chairman Ed Emery says "If you kill 44 million of your potential workers, it's not too surprising we would be desperate for workers." Let's see...if we had 44 million more people, we'd probably be more desperate for health care too. Probably more desperate for welfare. We'd probably have a larger population of unfit mothers, drug users, kids crammed in schools, and uhm...unemployed Americans! Since all six of the Democrats on the panel refused to sign the report (one called it "embarassing") and all 10 Republicans signed it, this report clearly smacks of partisanism. Either all of the Republicans are flaming idiots or they are just signing whatever comes through to their "Republican Led Committee" inbox. One Republican panel member, says the linked article, contends that he "didn't recall the report linking abortion and illegal immigration." Unfortunately my Google-fu is as weak as the AP writer's is who broke the story, so we won't be able to read the report ourselves to see if the Republicans possibly came up with a million other reasons why illegal immigration is a growing problem in the US or if they have just settled on abortion. They might as well kill two unwanted birds with one stone, eh? What do you think? Are the Republicans crazy? Are the Dems just trying to make them look crazy? Or is abortion actually a good argument for why illegal immigration is a problem in the United States?