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Imagine you are a high-school principal charged with keeping your students away from illegal drugs, at least during school hours. Trained dogs might be accurate, but they are too expensive. It takes too long to go through every single locker. What can you do? Buy a $900 dollar dowsing rod designed to find drugs! Pot heads, your days are numbered. This nugget of practical information comes from the video below (about a third of the way through). It turns out the dowsing rod will find drugs - if you keep opening lockers until you find them. ... The talk is by Skeptic Society founder Michael Shermer. Perhaps skeptics are just a source of resistance to new ideas, obsessed with ridding their lives from false positives. But I'll take $1 worth of skepticism over a $900 dowsing rod any day.

This video is blowing up in the interweb, but if you haven't seen it, take a look. Mike Daisey, probably best known for his descriptions of working for Amazon.com during the dot-com bubble, is performing a pretty funny monologue. Unfortunately, a Christian group is there to protest, and there ain't nothing Jesus hates more than the F-bomb. [youtube]-IeMtQ-SZtA[/youtube]

Recently there been a big deal made about the movie 300 and its portrayal of pederasty. After seeing the movie I can’t understand what all the hubbub is about. First off there is really no hard core pedo action in the film, what a disappointment. Not even a little ball tickling. That’s probably why it only got 1 pair of bloody underwear out of 5 on the NAMBLA website.

Secondly I don’t see what the big deal about pederasty is all of the sudden I mean man boy love is as old and natural as slavery. Almost every cultural around the world has participated in pederasty at sometime. Until Christianity came around it was no big deal. But then for no reason they had to portray it in a negative light. It’s not like the priests were even following their own rules either, but they expected the rest of us to.

I mean who really gets hurt by pederasty, besides the young boys? That’s right nobody it’s a victimless crime. It’s time people stop discriminating against it. It’s the 21^st century and we need to be more open minded like the people in the 1^st century. And really don’t knock it until you try it. You haven’t really lived until you have a 12 year old boy holding your nuts. I’ve listed some of my favorite proverbs about pederasty just to give you people some inspiration:

Afghanistan

• The cunt's value knows the Afghan, the rear's worth knows the Kabuli.

American

• How do you separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar.

Ancient Greece

• A lover is the best friend a boy will ever have.

Egypt

• For a boy, they will kill. For a woman, never.

Italy

• If you crave joys, tumble some boys.

Pakistan

• Women for breeding, boys for pleasure, but melons for sheer delight.

Here is a nice little summary from Matt and Trey. I mean, they sum it up so nicely. [youtube]cqWHEVBRfu0[/youtube]

What can you possibly have against Mormons? They are such gentle creatures, truly the best definition of passive aggressive. How can anyone be so nice? All the time? It's just not...natural. Anyway, I have decided to inform you about Mormons. It's my civil duty as a scientist of sorts to document these strange human-like creatures. I am just going to fill you in on the main "points" of this 177 year old religion. 1. This church was created by Joseph Smith Jr on April 6th 1830 in Western New York. Apparently he was visited God, Jesus and by the Angel Maroni, who is the son of Mormon, an "original" white Native American who was hanging out with Jesus while Jesus was hanging out in North America (Jesus is white, too, in case you were wondering). The stained glass window to the right here shows you the family resemblance that God and Jesus have, proving that Joseph Smith really did speak to them which later helped him to find mythical golden plates and seeing stones called Urim and Thummim (a Hebrew divination process ironically given to Joseph Smith as well) and establish Mormonism. 2. So, our man is visited by such strange visions while praying in the woods, right? God and Jesus. Not just one or the other, but we need both to truly be in awe. God tells Joe that none of the other religions have gotten it right and he needs to correct that. Now, Joe is only 14 at this time, not nearly mature enough to follow orders, so he is told ten years later by the angel Maroni (mentioned above) that he needs to get a shovel and start digging in the hillside for golden tablets that Maroni has recorded the prophecies of Mormon (his dad, if you remember) on before the real Native Americans had wiped out his people. All of them. Convenient? No, this is God we are talking about. Mysterious ways, you know. I mean, if these are God's chosen people and they hung out with the J-man then why let some "heathens" wipe them conveniently out of history with no records at all, nothing ever signifying they existed, like say, I don't know, an abandoned village or maybe some pottery or something? Dental records? Cemeteries? No, they did leave something behind, buried golden tablets with seeing stones for translating purposes. And eventually they would tell someone where to look, not an archaeologist or any of the churches (cause they are all wrong), but good old Joe Smith Jr. 3. Once said golden tablets were translated with the help of said seeing stones and God, Joe Smith Jr somehow convinced some village members that this was not a new religion but the continuation (and the only correct version) of the old religion of Christianity. Now here truly begins the story of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints and the Mormons. Anyway, I think that this will wrap up our beginners course in Mormonology here. In our next class we will talk about the Mormon headquarters and their main beliefs. See, and you felt that no one learned anything on the internet anymore.