How to Be a Hipster: Video Instructions and Scorn
You probably got to this article by Googling “how to be a hipster” or “learn to be a hipster.” If that’s the case, it’s too late, don’t even bother, you’ll never be a hipster - the fact that you want to be one enough to type it into a web browser means you are already trying too hard.
Besides, are you really still using Google? Or the word “googling”? What is this, 2002?
So enjoy this video, it’s funny enough to make you feel better but it’s a shallow enough commentary that you’ll remain plainly not a hipster.
If you are still reading, then you’re plainly too ambitious to give up or to succeed. Since you won’t just give up, I recommend adopting hipster mannerisms and dress in a mocking way, like some kind of annoying hipster douchebag.
Anyone who’s still reading this and watching the videos clearly has a lot of time on their hands. Congratulations, you’ve passed the first hurdle of becoming a hipster. The key point here is to spend tons of time making sure it looks like you don’t waste any time on your appearance. Except “key points” are some kind of powerpoint corporate bullshit.
You need authenticity to be a hipster. Stupid questions like “what is authenticity” are not authentic. Knowing about a band before everyone else is part of it, but the whole band thing is kind of over, you know, I’m only listening to solo artists right now. Can you win a hipster standoff?
Becoming a hipster doesn’t have anything to do with the videos so far. They’re just jokes made by people who can’t hack it. A real hipster would make a whole series about a Brooklyn superhero. Wearing the cape started out as a joke, but now it’s a different joke all together.
I hope you’ve learned a lot from this set of video lessons. But there’s a reason why all of this is available for free on the Internet - your teacher isn’t even a hipster himself. Not for lack of trying (see lesson #1). The truth is, I envy them. Detached but self-assured. I relish those few moments when I’ve read something someone else hasn’t, and it’s not a sci-fi novel or web standards blog. When my friends move to Brooklyn a part of me is jealous.
This is why I’ll never be a hipster. I mean, I just spilled my emotional guts semi-anonymously on a blog.
Maybe I could pull off emo?
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