Archive for February, 2007

For Presidents Day: What if Abraham Lincoln had Lived?

One of greatest tragedies of American history is the untimely death of Abraham Lincoln. Having done a great service to us all by ending slavery and preserving the Union, Lincoln had a plan for southern reconstruction that was more moderate than the measures taken after his death. Although I sympathize with the radical Republicans of the time and their desire to quickly end slavery, give voting rights to freedmen, and crush the power of slavery as an institution, their methods lead to the "redemption" where conservative whites dominated southern politics for decades. This left a legacy of racial segregation and distrust that lingers to this day. What if Abraham Lincoln had lived? Countless historians and authors have pondered this, but I think the video below gives the most insightful analysis. [youtube]xIU6GZA6L78[/youtube] (If you are viewing this post from your feed reader, please click through to this Abraham Lincoln article to see the embedded video).

Entertainment for road trips and four hour drives

So, as stated previously in the title, this article is supposed to be about entertainment for road trips (and four hour drives). In particular, road trips that I am taking, but these can be applied to all sorts of events, even just short road jaunts, like the family trip to Wal*Mart or the much more anticipated Sunday excursion to The Mall. I mean, most of these games are created to entertain bored passengers at the expense of others, so please feel free to not read these if you are going to be offended when I am making fun of you on the highway. Just trying to help. Okay, so most of these can be played anytime but some of them are seasonal, which will be decidedly marked as such as we go down the list. Also, and I will mention this again, please feel free to leave in the comments section more ideas for entertaining games for road trips. I will definitely comment on whether they suck or not. 1. The accident game: This is an easy game. The first person to spot an accident gets the points. Points can be assigned as necessary, the severity of the accident is proportional to the amount of points assigned. The accident has to be confirmed in order to count for points by at least one other person inside of the vehicle. Now, if you are the cause for the accident, you lose this game for life. If you are in the accident, no one gets points for it. Also, a seasonality exists for this game. For example, in the winter, a jack knifed truck in a snow drift doesn't count for as many points as it would in the summertime when the weather is much less adverse. So, just keep that in consideration. 2. Honk and Wave: This game is basically self explanatory. You honk and wave at people, and if they wave back, you get points. You can make your own points assignment system depending on where you live, but if you are located in the midwest US area you can feel free to use the point systems allocated to me by my friend The Vic who made this game up, or at least this particular point assignment. -1 point for pedestrians -2 for people on tractors -5 for people in cars -10 for people in mac trucks -20 for people in horse and buggy -50 for any accidents you cause This game is not as compatible with the aforementioned accident game. Play one at a time or pick one you like more. I don't care. 3. The Mullet Game: This game is a game for all times. It is not limited to just playing on road trips. This game is a lifestyle. I mean, when someone wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and says "damn, this awesome hairstyle looks so rad!" they are just begging to be made fun of. And if you have a mullet and are reading this, no you do not get points for yourself. Here are the rules: First one to spot the mullet gets the point. It has to be spotted by a second for the points to be valid and the group must agree that it is, in fact a mullet. The points for this game get a little complicated so feel free to customize it to fit your particular needs. -1 pt for a regular mullet. If you don't know what a mullet is, just remember this catchy little phrase, business up front, party in the back. -2pts for a skullet (the bald mullet), the she-mullet, the 80's rocker mullet, the manicured mullet and the red neck mullet. -double points for a pair of mullets, such as two friends hanging out or lovers. -triple points for a gay couple who both have mullets, groups larger than three or mullets that are hair sprayed higher than three inches. -Automatic win for the day would consist of finding something like this:mullet1.jpg Please, feel free to comment on how to improve upon these classic road trip games or post new games for the generation. If you even put down the license plate bingo game, though, you will be cursed to die the most unoriginal death i can think of at the time.

Et Tu Peanut Butter?

I love Peter Pan Peanut Butter, make that "loved". I thought we had a great relationship I mean I've been eating you for lunch since 4th grade. Sure every once and awhile I'd have something else but it meant nothing, I was just having fun and you knew that. That's why after over 10 years together I was so shocked to find out on the internet that you were contaminated with Salmonella. I bet you got it from being with that tramp Smuckers, didn't you? It's not the contamination that upset me so much but how I found out about it online. I mean it was like eveybody else knew about it before me. I felt like such a fool, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me yourself after all we've been through. What were you just waiting for me to get Salmonella, I thought you cared about me as much as I did you. How could you lie to me like that I've been loyal all these years I never strayed once, not once. Sure those other peanut butters looked all new and hot, but I always stayed by you Peter Pan Peanut Butter. I realize that we've been together for along time and it got boring sometimes, but hey I was willing to try new things to spice things up. Remember when I had you with grape jelly for those few months and how about when I put you together with Nutella, boy was that exciting. But now none of that matters any more I can't trust you and trust is the most important part of any relationship. Sure you might not have Salmonella anymore, but what else aren't you telling me? There's no way I can eat you and not have some doubts in the back of my mind. So as much as it hurts me we are through. That's right I'm leaving you, and need to think about what is best for me now. I'm much happier now, happier than I've been in aahwile. I've got a new Peanut Butter, JIF. He treats me good. He tastes great and he's got a bigger jar. So you just made the biggest mistake of your life Peter Pan Peanut Butter and now you going to have to live with it. You and that whore Smuckers can be together now.

It’s Adventure Time

Is this really on Nickelodeon?  Keep in mind this is the network that brought you Ren and Stimpy and The Adventures of Pete and Pete. [youtube]LNVYWJOEy9A[/youtube]

When Comedians Attack!

Joe Rogan is an animal. After years of being pissed of that Carlos Mencia has been stealing from other comedians he finally had enough and confronted him on stage. It is just brutal. Joe totally takes him apart and Carlos' only comeback is to call Joe a "little bitch" ten times. To add further credibility to his argument Joe shows various clips showing Carlos stealing material. Joe Rogan is definitely the last person I would want in my face like that. He could easily kick Carlos' ass but instead he just totally verbally destroys him. Joe was banned from the Comedy Store where this took place afterwards showing just how much free speech is respected in comedy clubs. Visit for more info and to give Joe your opinion on whether you think he was right or just being an ass. [googlevideo]-7841918711943453918[/googlevideo]