Et Tu Peanut Butter?

I love Peter Pan Peanut Butter, make that "loved". I thought we had a great relationship I mean I've been eating you for lunch since 4th grade. Sure every once and awhile I'd have something else but it meant nothing, I was just having fun and you knew that. That's why after over 10 years together I was so shocked to find out on the internet that you were contaminated with Salmonella. I bet you got it from being with that tramp Smuckers, didn't you? It's not the contamination that upset me so much but how I found out about it online. I mean it was like eveybody else knew about it before me. I felt like such a fool, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me yourself after all we've been through. What were you just waiting for me to get Salmonella, I thought you cared about me as much as I did you. How could you lie to me like that I've been loyal all these years I never strayed once, not once. Sure those other peanut butters looked all new and hot, but I always stayed by you Peter Pan Peanut Butter. I realize that we've been together for along time and it got boring sometimes, but hey I was willing to try new things to spice things up. Remember when I had you with grape jelly for those few months and how about when I put you together with Nutella, boy was that exciting. But now none of that matters any more I can't trust you and trust is the most important part of any relationship. Sure you might not have Salmonella anymore, but what else aren't you telling me? There's no way I can eat you and not have some doubts in the back of my mind. So as much as it hurts me we are through. That's right I'm leaving you, and need to think about what is best for me now. I'm much happier now, happier than I've been in aahwile. I've got a new Peanut Butter, JIF. He treats me good. He tastes great and he's got a bigger jar. So you just made the biggest mistake of your life Peter Pan Peanut Butter and now you going to have to live with it. You and that whore Smuckers can be together now.

  1. Very funny. Btw, suprised you didn’t make a big deal about being post #100. I wanted to have the #100 post.

    S. H. Skuld
    February 16th, 2007 at 7:32 pm

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