The Christmas Crisis Nature Documentary

Today I have a special treat for all of you interneters out there. I have been granted the special privilage to observe the Mindless Drones (Consumreous obsessiva) standing outside of a local retailer on Tdat. It's 4:30 am and so far I am the only scientist on the scene. blitz.jpg There is a line of maybe 75 Mindless Drones all waiting to get their hands on the hottest Christmas items this season at 6:00 am. I locate my specimen, a drone in her mid 40s standing with shopping cart ready at hand. She is dressed for the occastion, wearing a thick scarf and hat, gloves with the fingers cut out and a big ski jacket from 1965. The fire of determination burns in her dull eyes like coals in a fire without oxygen. She looks up at me as I walk towards her and grips her cart fiercely. I see she is threantened and I carefully make the universal sign of good will and guarantee her that I won't cut in line. She looks apprehensive but I think I have won her trust so I approach her with care. The whole idea is to be as careful as possible around these rare creatures since their complaicent attitude could turn violent in a moment's notice due to their incredible territorial nature. This is a great day for science and our study on the flocking patterns of Mindless Drones. Usually these creatures move either solitary or in small groups of family units, but once a year they all gather to frequent the big box community. No one can say exactly why they only group together on this one day in such numbers but some have speculated that it's the low low prices and extra special deals that bring this otherwise reclusive creatures into direct contact with eachother. It is said that some of these creatures can be seen on the day before Christmas in the same areas but it has not been confirmed due to the striking similarity of these Mindless Drones and the more common Last Minute Shopper (Consumerous quixotic). I sense some restlessness in the group. The time is now approaching 5:30 and the flock has more than doubled. I am in shock to see that some of these creatures have brought their young. I wonder if I am the first scienctist to actually see the parenting behavior of these fascinating animals. Most of the offspring are still sleeping in makeshift nests inside shopping carts but some of them are making loud noises, probably to attract attention from their mother. Truely incredible. I notice that our specimen's offspring is with her. I wonder if she has been unsucessful in choosing a mate. Her offspring looks strikingly different than the rest of the young in this group but is dressed in a similar fashion. It makes me wonder if there is some interspecies mating going on between the Mindless Drones and the Last Minute Shopper. It could just be a genetic mutant, as well, but we may never know. The mating habits of these fascinating creatures is a very rare occasion and has never been recorded by a fellow scientist. Tension builds up as I have to leave you, but please, tune in next time for the exciting conclusion to this very groundbreaking nature documentary.

  1. Operators are standing by.
    “Activate servos on Consumer number 3. On my mark, left foot forward… NOW!”

    November 20th, 2006 at 1:51 pm

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