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1. No sex, no scandal. It's not like he had actual physical sex with any of these pages, that we know of, at least so far. I mean, come on! Do the defeatocrats really want us to believe that just having lustful feelings in your heart is enough to bring shame on your whole party?

And even if it turns out he did rendezvous with some of these young men, we know for a fact that they didn't have sex – they're both male! Every highschooler knows it doesn't count unless what your doing might make a baby.

2. Do the math. Mean spirited bloggers keep using loaded words like “teenager� and “boy� to describe Foley's Congressional page pen pals. Come on! These were 16- to 18-year-olds, old enough to drive and above the age of consent in many places. Todd has written on this very blog about this issue. Below you will find mathematical proof that if we're going to play the “age game,� the pages were taking advantage of Foley.

See source here, and applying different formulas won't help the liberals this time.

3. Hey, what's that behind you! Distracted? Thats what the liberals want you to be. Every time an election season comes up, we get nothing substantial from the Dems—they just trot out some boogeyman. Come on. Why can we just have a substantial debate about the issues for once?

4. It was the alcohol. Obviously the real Mark Foley wouldn't do anything like this. It was the alcohol-I mean, who hasn't gotten wasted, you know, really blitzed, and then wanted to slip the boxers off some hot young men? The entire civilization of Ancient Greece was founded on this principle, and they invented democracy. What, do you hate democracy now?

Besides, it wasn't the alcohol, it was because he was molested by a priest. And really, it's because he's gay. If there one thing all Americans can agree on, it's our fear and hatred of gays. It is a scientific fact that sex is all gays think about – ask any conservative, they have a deep and profound understanding of these stereotypes.

5. He didn't say anything bad after all. One of the reasons this is such a big story is the liberal media is out of touch with youth culture and modern technology. Come on and be honest, grandpa – would you know how to react if you were IMing a younger associate and he told you to “STFU, u R pwned!!!11!!one!� I think Stephen Colbert can explain it better than I can:

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