Harry Knowles Makes D Wallz Vomit in his Mouth

If you read my last article about Harry Knowles of aintitcool.com fame, and how much I hate his fat ass then you might be surprised to read that I now have an even deeper loathing for this walking pumpkin. You’re probably asking yourself, how could you hate that blithering sack of fat any more, well after his latest movie review you’ll see why. In his review of the Black Dahlia he starts it off with this gem, “I love Brian De Palma films. Why? Because Brian De Palma makes movies that speak to my penis. They make me hard.� Oh my god, sorry I was just dry heaving there for a little bit. This is the worst thing that has been even committed to printed word ever. Firstly I never wanted to know about Harry Knowles’ penis (I’m not sure if he even really knows about it I mean when was the last time he was actually able to see it?), nor that it gets hard, nor that Brian De Palma is responsible for making his penis get hard. Who wants to hear about your penis Harry? Last time I checked it was no one. Why would you subject innocent people surfing the web for movie news to that horrific mental image. I can’t close my eyes now without picturing Harry Knowles naked on his couch watching the end of Scarface while holding up his belly with the one hand and feverishly masturbating with the other one, while softly muttering “Say hello to my little friend� over and over until he climaxes, blech. I realize that the internet does have lower standards for journalism then conventional mediums, but this crosses the line. Quite frankly it’s this kind of thing that Congress is talking about when they want to regulate the internet. I for one will not stand be and be abused by Harry Knowles and his “alleged� penis (I mean if no one can see it does it really exist). That is why I will now be writing movie reviews for this site in my crusade to get rid of Harry Knowles and his awful columns. Stay tuned for my awesome columns to come in the near future!

  1. I believe you meant to put an elipsis between your comment about scarface and your blech statement. For emphasis, you know.

    looking forward to your movie reviews. I had better not even see a reference you YOUR genitals, though.

    s. h. skuld
    September 21st, 2006 at 4:26 pm

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