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I support Arnold Schwarzenegger for president. Not for his stances on immigration and naturalization. Not for his environmental policies. Not even for his Republican politics. No, I support him for his ability to exclaim, "Let's kick some eyyy-aaahhh-sss!" Think about it. In the most idealized world, all of our conflicts are resolved not by boy-faced young men with their entire futures ahead of them and little stakes in the actual conflict. No. Much like the Two Tribes music video, in the idealized world, we have our leaders go at it. Mano y mano. Fist-o y face-o. Would you want W. going up against Osama? That'd be suicide. The man can't even balance on a Segway. While I did vote for Dole in the past, he can only throw one punch at a time. So who's our man? The very same one that had half his face ripped off and kept coming. The same one who defeated an extraterrestrial hunter armed with a nuclear device. Then again, he might be getting a little soft in his old age. And there's that whole not-born-in-the-U.S. crap. While alternatives exist - the Rock, some of those UFC guys, Rowdy Roddy Piper - I say an actual cyborg or android would do the trick. Only problem is finding one. The Philip K. Dick 'droid is still missing, last I checked, and Honda's Asimo doesn't do much more than cut a mean rug on Beck vids. I noticed some advances in prosthetics recently, so we're on the right track, but we need a synflesh covered, ass-kicking, vote-getting machine in the White House, and we need one pronto. I, for one, will welcome our new cyborg overlords!