Why Hollywood has Completely Run Out of Ideas

Hollywood is by no means the most original industry around. Pretty much every movie is based on a book, comic book, TV show or is simply a remake of a previous movie. However, Hollywood has definitely hit a new low with its new hyped summer blockbuster “Transformers the Movie�. You might be saying to yourself, hey didn’t they already make a Transformers movie and didn’t it feature Orson Wells as Unicron. Well, you are correct, they did make an animated movie that I’m sure cinematic genius Orson Wells is happy turned out to be his last one and is the only thing nerds remember about him. But, this Transformers movie is, hold onto your pants, LIVE ACTION!!!! Now they didn’t actually create robots that can change into cars, guns, boom boxes and backhoes, but it will feature some really expensive computer graphics to make these ridiculous robots seem as real as possible. Now why, you’re asking yourself would Hollywood spend millions of dollars on a 20 year old cartoon that’s only purpose was to sell cheaply made Chinese toys? Well the answer is Hollywood has completely run out of ideas. Hollywood is run by a bunch of out of touch rich, possibly gay, old men that have no idea what people want to see. They pay market research groups millions of dollars to find out what the kids like nowadays, and all they do is look what the latest stupid trend is and tell them that’s what’s hot. Right now the hot market trend is nerds. They apparently has lots of disposable income, what with living with their parents and not having a girlfriend, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Video games, comic books and cartoons are the things nerds are most interested in so obviously Hollywood is trying to cash in on the trend by making as many movies about these topics as possible before it stops being hot. Transformers is just the latest lame concept they have decided to put on the screen. Transformers is such a horrible idea for a movie because the premise itself is totally retarded. Robots eating energy cubes crash land on earth and fight other evil robots for energy cubes and control of the planet or something. First of if they can turn into other things i.e. vehicles, why can’t one of them become a spaceship and fly them home? Now your saying, oh that’s because they can’t grow larger when they transform and become a big enough ship to hold them all. Well Megatron has disproved that conservation of mass law, every time he becomes a gun and shrinks to ¼ his normal size. So all they need to do is build a Transformer that does the opposite, grows larger and becomes a ship, it’s that simple, stupid robots should have thought of that themselves. Secondly there was never really a real plot to Transformers, it was merely a 30 minute commercial each week for Hasbro to unveil its new toy for all the kids to buy. If Transformers followed any logic at all why would there be Dinobots? So Transformers started as Robots that became Dinosaurs then evolved into robots that became vehicles, which makes no sense. It goes against the Cyber-Bible that says that Unicron created the world and all the Transformers in 6.778975467 nanoseconds and rested on the 7.676784484 nanosecond. Lastly the movie will suck because Michael Bay is directing it. Michael Bay is a douche. He directed Bad Boys and Pearl Harbor, two huge suck fests. Now you might be saying, hey I kind of liked Bad Boys, did you really? Would your life be any less fulfilling if you didn’t see Martin Lawrence and Will Smith making snappy dialogue while blowing up things, I thought not. Michael Bay sucks and his movies suck too, if he were a Transformer he would turn into a tampon, not a small one a giant one. Hollywood is yet again trying to capitalize on something that was popular before rather than create something new and interesting. If they continue at this rate in a couple of years we’ll all be standing in line to see the live action Pokemon movie, I hear they’re going to use the original guy that did Pikachu’s voice, sw33t!!!

  1. I for one welcome our out of touch, rich, possibly gay, old men overlords.

    September 8th, 2006 at 10:16 am

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