Kirk and JarJar

This one ought to get all you nerdwads' Spider-Man undies in a bunch. Apparently, CBS Paramount plans to rejig the original Star Trek with new CGI graphics and a new main title sequence - a la George Lucas's re-release of Star Wars Episodes IV, V and VI. The revamped episodes will appear on HDTV this fall. A lot of good chatter on the subject, as usual, over at Slashdot. I tend to agree with whichever of those pasty-skinned monitor monkeys argued that the whole shame of this is that we're losing an artifact of cultural history. It's as if every Model T were modified into a street rod today, rather than keeping a few original or restored. Sure, we might view them as obsolete today, but to rewrite or cover up history in such a way does a disservice to us all. But I'm also (unsurprisingly) disappointed that fresh, intelligent, imaginative, original programming so seriously lacks from mainstream media that, rather than attempt something new, they simply rehash their successes of old. It's why we have "reality" TV, celebrity gossip columns and sequels sequels sequels. Perhaps it's just time to turn off the TV.

  1. Well this is America buddy, and here we like our movies like we like our women digitally enhanced. Actually I think that Hollywood does not do enough to enhance older movies, that todays one second attention span audiences, would find them interesting. To demonstrate I will show how the top 5 greatest movies of all time could be made so much more comercially viable with added digital effects.

    5. Lawrence of Arabia. To sumerize a white guy and a bunch of arabs fight other arabs int he desert. BOOOORING! Now we could take out all of those real fight scenes with extras and replace them with digital characters using the same technology as Lord of the Rings. This would make them larger and more exciting and you could throw in a couple trolls for added nerd appeal.

    4. Gone with the Wind. Zzzzzzzzzzzz Civil War What!?! Here how we jazz this snoozer up. Add crazy digital wind effects like Twister blowing that tramp Scarlet O’Hara all over the place.

    3.The Godfather. Not as boring as those other two, but in todays environment still too sllloooowwww. We need exciting car chases ala Grand Theft Auto and have Michael Corleon beat more hookers to death with chainsaws. TIIGHT!!

    2. Casablanca. More like Casaborca. Quite frankly we just need to start from scratch and redo the whole movie with 3-d animation. Pixar could do it and have Humprey Bogarts character be an anthropomorphic plane or something. And he would learn a valuable lesson about friendship in the end or some shit like that. Play it again Sam (Sam being an anthropomorphic Juke Box at the Airport).

    1. Citizen Kane. Wow a leangthy study on one mans ambition for power and how it slowly destroys his life over the years, oh wait a minute thats fucking boring. Not even one explosion, not one! Alright heres how we salvage this turd; First Citizen Kane is now a giant gorilla expertly played by Andy Sircus. Next we include digital pirates made of newspaper (being he owns a newspaper so all the bad news comes back to get him). And finally He has to save New York city from being destroyed by a giant asteroid by drilling into the earth’s core and then rocketing into outer space to blow up the asteroid, which is also the pirates home. Now that sounds like the #1 movie of all time to me!

    D WallZ
    August 30th, 2006 at 1:59 pm

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